They prevent telling people what they want to tell them. They don’t speak up in class, participate in communal labour or at work meetings. They avoid telling their lover their true interest. They don’t ask for a raise. They won’t tell a new date where they’d like to go for dinner.
This fear of judgment is linked to the desire to be liked by everyone at all times. But because that is impossible, this is a losing game that keeps people from uninhibitedly experiencing and expressing their true opinions and feeling, Let’s face it: humans are always judging others — good/bad or like/dislike, with lots of nuance in between.
Instead of avoiding the issue by not saying anything about your preferences, and working overtime to try to shape the people in your life so they won’t judge you, you can work to admit this process instead.
Why do people fear being judged by others?
The fear of being judged by others is a common and natural human emotion that stems from many psychological factors, including:
Social acceptance and belonging
Self-esteem and self-worth
Fear of rejection
Humans are social creatures, and a sense of belonging is crucial for our emotional well-being. We often tie our self-esteem and self-worth to the opinions of others. When someone judges us negatively, it can shatter our self-perception and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Humans even engage in social comparison to evaluate their abilities, beliefs, and behaviours.
Cultural norms and societal expectations play a role in shaping our fear of judgment. In societies where conformity is highly valued, the fear of deviating from norms can be especially strong.
How to Stop Fearing the Judgment of Others
Remember nothing lasts forever.
The reality is that the human brain has limited data reserves. Although we may make judgments, they are not important enough to earn a place in our memory banks for eternity.
So when someone makes a judgment about you, chances are that moments or days later that judgment will have left their conscious awareness.
We build up our understanding of people, not on the minor mistakes or setbacks we observe, but by creating a schema based on the big things they do and say, and the patterns of how they interact with us.
Let them judge.
It can be liberating in an intimate relationship to just allow judgments to be present. Instead of stopping yourself from being open or vulnerable or from sharing something negative but important about yourself.
If you notice yourself holding back out of fear of judgment, ask yourself first: “What judgment do I fear will come from my opening up?“ and “What is it I fear will occur if they make that particular judgment about me?”
Once you identify the fear, try to reassure yourself or find a way that you could manage the fear if it did come to be. Remind yourself that close and intimate relationships deepen when people risk judgment. but it may mean the person you are working to connect with doesn’t have the capacity for an emotionally intimate relationship.
Notice your own judgments.
There is no better way to care less about the judgments of others than to judge yourself and others less. Of course, judgment is unavoidable.
Move away from the good and bad character traits of those in your life to what is healthy and unhealthy for you.
Write affirmations.
It’s crucial to focus on encouraging positivity in your life. Research indicates that practising affirmations can be a helpful tool in rebuilding self-assurance and a sense of self-value. By acknowledging your own strengths and positive attributes, you can uncrease your ability to overcome anxieties related to how others perceive you.
When you have confidence in yourself, your capabilities, and your achievements, the opinions of others become less significant and impactful. Embracing self-confidence and self-belief can liberate you from the burden of external judgment, empowering you to live a more fulfilling, successful and authentic life.
Say ‘yes.’
If anxiety and depression has been avoiding you from moving forward in different aspects of your life, avoiding anxiety-provoking situations may not be the best long-term solution. Instead, consider taking a proactive approach to address and overcome your fear of judgment. Start saying “yes” to new opportunities as they arrive in your life.
Each time you take a step outside your comfort zone and successfully handle the situation, your confidence will grow. Remember that growth comes from enduring discomfort and pushing yourself beyond your perceived limitations.
Focus on being happy.
Regret can be an emotional burden that far outweighs the temporary discomfort of criticism. Instead of conforming to external expectations, choose to live authentically.
Living a life true to yourself may require breaking free from societal norms and facing opposition from those who fail to understand your choices. It’s worth it to focus on your happiness.
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