I am sure it is not a coincidence that I am undertaking a bathroom renovation as my son is leaving to go off to university for the first time. Since he is our only child, his departure feels abrupt — launching us straight into an empty nest. So in between packing for sheets, mattress pads, towels and flip flops, I’m also searching for toilets and tile. I needed a project and the bathroom was falling apart. I also needed something to look forward to.
In many ways I am blessed in this season of my life. My son is excited to go to college. He makes friends easily, is organized with his schoolwork, and has a fair amount of common sense. I don’t even have to worry about him being far from home because he has decided to stay in state. So my go-to-cry-song — "Half a World Away" by R.E.M — doesn’t really apply. I can also see how God has been preparing us for his eventual departure all along. Half-days at preschool school gave way to full days. Saturdays filled with soccer, or scouts, eventually became filled with part-time jobs. And then during his senior year, I hardly ever saw him, even less so this summer. Work, his friends and surfing kept him busy and away from home.
So why is this so hard? I think what it boils down to is this: I will no longer be a mother with a school-aged child still at home. The period of my life that I have enjoyed so much, with all its ups and downs, the one that I have dreamed of since I was a girl, has come to an end. And that is why on this past Sunday, when the deacon at our church told the soon-to-be-college-students to keep their faith and come back to us safely, my son turned around, looked at me and said, “Why are you CRYING?! What is WRONG with you?”
Because wasn’t it just yesterday I was pushing him on the swings at Saint Andrews pre-school, or craning my neck to see if he was playing on the Christ Our King field whenever I drove down Coleman Boulevard at lunchtime? Will he really not be at Lucy Beckham High School anymore, when I pass by there on my trips up and down Mathis Ferry Road? Does anyone ever think the time will actually come when their child leaves home?
My parents recently sold the house I grew up in. Even though it has been over 30 years since I graduated from high school and left home, my mom said one of the best things about moving was not having to walk by my old room anymore. She said that she still, after all these years, would sometimes feel a ping in her heart when she passed by my empty room at the top of the stairs. I never understood that. Until now. My son’s room is also at the top of the stairs. Right across from the bathroom.
Which brings me back to the bathroom renovation.
There are many things about both my son and the old bathroom that I won’t miss. In the bathroom I won’t miss the mold, the broken vanity, or the perma-drip from the faucets. With my son, I won’t miss the arguing, seeing the amount of time he spends on his phone, or how he inhales entire sleeves of crackers or cookies at a time — and then stuffs the wrapping in between the couch cushions; (actually, I think that might be my husband).
Soon my son will be off and shortly after the bathroom will be completely ripped apart — a pretty messy transition —six to eight weeks my contractor tells me. No such time line for when my heart is gutted. Though I do know I need to allow myself to feel all my feelings and to grieve and honor the magnitude of this life transition. I will also do my best to go easy on my husband who will be grieving in his own way, most likely with a giant Italian hoagie.
Because John 12:24 says this: Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Seeds when planted appear to die, but it is only so they can become what they are meant to be. And isn’t that what launching our children into adulthood is all about? All our lives we have strived to plant seeds in our children — seeds of faith, hope and love. Yes, we have to let them go, give them roots and give them wings as the old saying goes. But we can still hold them close in prayer — praying that one day all those seeds that we have carefully planted and nurtured along the way, will one day bear fruit.
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I am sure it is not a coincidence that I am undertaking a bathroom renovation as my son is leaving to go off to university for the first time. Since he is our only child, his departure feels abrupt — launching us straight into an empty nest. So in between packing for sheets, mattress pads, towels and flip flops, I’m also searching for toilets and tile. I needed a project and the bathroom was falling apart. I also needed something to look forward to.
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