Some people say that history and science favour the winners, and that the stories we hear only reflect part of the truth. To a certain extent, this may be accurate. But what would those men think—the ones who helped shape history but remain in our books simply as those who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, those who were just unlucky? At a crucial moment in their lives, they tried their best to be remembered as significant, but they ended up in the annals of “you know, he’s the guy who died like this!”
Getting hurt by the corner of a table can be unpleasant—we’ve all experienced it. But being hit by a door can be truly dangerous! This is precisely what happened to our first two protagonists, Louis III of France (yes, *of France*, because there were around 20 Louis IIIs) and Charles VIII of France.
Louis III was born around 864. Son of Louis II, he became king of Western France in 880 at only 16 years old. Western France included Paris, up to Lille, and Brittany—in essence, the northwest of what we now call France. He is famous for two things: first, his victories against the Vikings, with the help of his brother Carloman II, notably at the Battle of Saucourt-en-Vimeu in August 881. And second, his bizarre death, which sounds straight out of a comedy film. Remember, Louis III was young, full of energy, and perhaps a bit impulsive.
One day, while riding his horse, he chased a young maiden who wasn’t interested in him and ran to hide in her father’s fort. Unfortunately, in his pursuit, Louis III rode headfirst into a door! He died two days later at the age of 18 from the resulting shock. Some historians argue that he may have died from illness, but if he truly met his end because of a door… well, it’s quite the story!
Doors weren’t kind to Charles VIII either. Born in 1470, he became king at 13 when his father, Louis XI, died in 1483. Too young to rule alone, he was aided by his sister, Anne de Beaujeu. Charles spent much of his life in the Château d'Amboise and led, among other things, campaigns in the Italian Wars. He fathered six children, but sadly, none survived beyond three years. Later, his wife, Anne of Brittany, gave birth to a stillborn child. To lift her spirits, he invited her to a *jeu de paume* match. On the way, he accidentally hit his head on a door frame. Though he felt weak, he continued to play before collapsing and, sadly, passed away hours later at the age of 27.
A final note about Philippe of France, the first son of Louis VI. Doors weren’t his downfall, but he likely wished he hadn’t gotten up on that October day in 1131. At the time, pigs roamed Paris, cleaning up waste. As Philippe galloped through the city, he collided with a pig, causing a fatal fall.
So, while celebrating with friends and a few drinks can be fun, accidents are never far away! Even Attila the Hun, despised by some and made infamous by Romans, didn’t escape fate. In the spring of 453, he threw a grand feast to celebrate his marriage to Ildiko (also called Hilda, in Germanic tradition), a new addition to his harem. The festivities were lively, and after much wine, Attila went to bed. During the night, he suffered a nosebleed and, sadly, passed away, drowning in his own blood.
Another victim of bad luck was Henry II of France, son of Francis I. His reign was not easy; he faced religious tensions between Protestants and Catholics, a major issue in France and across Europe. Married to Catherine de' Medici, who played a significant role in the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre, Henry met his end in a freak accident. On July 10, 1559, during a double wedding celebration for his sister and eldest daughter, he decided to participate in a jousting tournament. During a match against Gabriel de Montgomery, he was struck in the face by a lance, with a metal splinter piercing his eye. Ambroise Paré, whom we’ll discuss in another episode, tried a risky procedure to save him, experimenting on criminals’ heads to perfect the technique. Sadly, Henry succumbed after ten days of agony.
History has its share of murder, capital punishment, and revenge. Yet two curious tales stand out.
Even if it’s likely a myth, it is said that George, Duke of Clarence, died in an unusual way. Brother to King Edward IV of England, who was embroiled in a civil war against Henry VI, George struggled to pick a side, switching allegiances often. This tension with his brother led to his downfall. In 1478, Edward accused him of plotting treason, and as king, ordered his execution. What’s unusual? George was allowed to choose his method of death, and he allegedly chose to be drowned in a vat of wine—classic George!
Edward II of England might be familiar to movie fans, as he appears in *Braveheart*. He wasn’t known for his military prowess or political skill and gradually lost lands his father had acquired, gaining little favor among his subjects. He was rumored to have had intimate relationships with men, which, at the time, contributed to his unpopularity. After he was overthrown in January 1327, his wife, Isabella of France, orchestrated his assassination. Since killing a king outright could trigger an investigation, his murder had to leave no trace. The chosen method was grisly: a hot iron rod was inserted into his body through a metal tube, leaving no visible signs of violence. Thus, his son, Edward III, took the throne, and, despite his father's tragic end, honored him with a beautiful tomb.
And with that, we conclude this episode! Thank you for watching until the end. Don't forget to like, comment, and share if you enjoyed it, and most importantly, subscribe for more stories! I'll leave you with a quote from Montaigne: "He who would teach men to die would teach them to live." See you soon!
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