My most difficult challenge has been reaching out for help with my depression, and the lack of understanding and support I've faced from YOU.
Do you remember the terrible things you said about me behind my back when I was struggling with depression? You were acting nice to my face, but gossiping
"She is just making a big fuss over a small thing."
"She needs attention."
"She just wants to skip work,"
"She is mentally unstable, better to keep away from her."
Those hurtful words still haunt and hurt me deeply.
Where were you when I was at my lowest, depressed and reaching out for help?
How could you say I was "unstable," and that you wouldn't be my friend again until I "got better"?
Why did you hang up on me when I called, desperately needing support?
You told me I had nothing to be depressed about, and asked me to stop crying and "be a strong woman." Do you remember telling me I was overreacting, and that I should just take a break or that I was being lazy? Those words cut deep and made me feel even more alone.
How could you be so cruel and leave me in that depression to die, calling me emotionally unstable after 7 years of friendship? Was it even true friendship ? That one sentence made me question trueness of every relation in my life.
Saying you would like to resume friendship if I get stable? How could you turn into a life lesson?
In depression, asking for help is very hard because of all the stigma and judgments. And hearing all this gossip and jusdements made asking for help more difficult.
But I am alive today because my support system was strong. Yes, I had bad experiences, but most of my folks sat down with me and helped me get up at my pace.
I witnessed the tragic suicide of a close friend. We had often talked about our shared feelings of depression and being felt like outsiders, no matter how much our friends try to include us. Before his death, everyone said, "He is so strong, how can he be depressed? He should be brave." His friends did understand his struggle with mental illness and supported him. Most People dismissed him, saying, "He's young, why is he wasting his family's money and time." After he took his own life, I saw people say, "He was so sad. He should have talked more and gotten treatment for depression," and blame his family for not understanding him. I cried with that family. I felt their regret. Furthermore, I questioned myself, how did I miss the signs…why didn’t he tell me?
As sad and angry as I am at him, some part of me understood him. I imagined myself in his shoes and knew how badly he wanted to end the pain. One thing I realized is, ‘If I ever commit suicide, it will be because I want to end the pain, not my life.’ People misunderstand us. They think we want to end life, but we just want to end the pain. That’s a big difference.
Everyone blames, but society still blames the victim for the crime. We question why a wife tolerates it when her husband abuses her. We blame the victim for going out at night when rape happens. And you blame me for believing the person when a scam happens.
Our society has glorified strength to the point where crying feels like a crime, as if we're wasting everyone's time. But stop blaming us unless you've truly experienced the depth of our pain.
If I ask for help with depression, I am blamed for faking it. If I commit suicide, I am blamed for not asking for help. There is a saying, When a leaf falls from a tree, the whole tree has made the decision. Similarly, when some suicide happens, it is because the entire society has let it happen.
When I talk, it’s hard because the other person always has an example and says, “It’s nothing. Why are you complaining? I’ve overcome so much struggle, yours is nothing.” I’ve been silent for a long years before seeking treatment, thinking there are more significant problems than my depression.
I've learned not to compare struggles to others - someone else's worse pain doesn't make mine disappear. I feel for them, but I also feel for myself. We need to be just as compassionate with ourselves as we are with others.We should take care of ourselves as we will taking care of our best friend/sibling.
Did you dismiss someone sharing something vulnerable with you today, even if it was trivial for you? It’s difficult to talk, so when someone does, please listen. It’s easy to say “he didn’t share, he should have talked to me,” but believe me, they tried. No one chooses suicide as first option. It’s always the last resort. Listen to them now before it’s too late. Listen instead of judging.
Be an empathetic person, not a hypocritical one.
PS- With this, the series of 7 Depression Challenges comes to the end. Of course, there are more and various others, but these were my major challenges. I hope after some years when I am fully out of its grasp I might write about things that helped me go on the other side. Feel free to reach out to me if you are struggling with something like this.
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