Coping with loss
Is happiness in the future?
Can you increase your awareness of the strengths in your social environment?
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A barnacled shipwreck
She had a glass of wine. Then another. And another. Until she was drunk. She stumbled around in a state of liquid inebriation, like a million-year-old swamp mummy, like a barnacled shipwreck, drunk the whole time, her heart in her throat. All those faceless neighbours milling around inside her house – her husband’s friends and coworkers, and two strange little girls, two little sisters, whose eyes shone with mischief, whose faces were soft and round as pieces of fruit; two little girls she wouldn’t let near her, for fear that they would be swept into the whirling vortex of her grief.
At some point, Siba took her hand and said, “Follow me.”
“Where are we going?”
“You need some fresh air.”
The back yard was sloping and beyond the old stone wall, the woods came right up. Goosebumps came up on her arms. Back inside, it sounded like a party was going on inside the house. “I hate this,” she said. “They’re having too much fun.”
“People think I’m helpless, don’t they?” she asked.
“No-one knows what to think.”
“Well, I’m not.”
“Okay.”
We are not helpless
Typically, strengths are an individual’s characteristics that enable positive functioning and effective coping. However, strengths can also be considered from a social perspective. To use McCashen’s words: “Resources in people’s environment, such as family, friends, neighbours, colleagues and so on, are also considered strengths.” (McCashen, 2005, pp 7-8). Consequently, identifying your strengths requires a perspective that focuses not only on your individual qualities but also on the qualities of your social network. (Saleebey, 2011). Utilising a strengths perspective also includes assessing those environmental strengths that help you realise your goals and aspirations, offer you support in difficult times and contribute to the fulfilment of basic needs (autonomy, relatedness and competence).
An abundance of research has revealed that a supportive social network is essential for maintaining physical and psychological health. For example, if you believe that you have an availability of social support, you would fare better during times of stress. (e.g. Sarason et el., 1997; Wethington & Kessler, 1986). In addition, the quality of your social relationships is a really good predictor of how you feel personally. (e.g. Diener & Seligman, 2002). If you have satisfying relationships, you will probably feel happy more often and sad less frequently, and you will be more satisfied with your life compared to people who do not perceive themselves to have satisfying relationships.
Goal
Can you increase your awareness of the strengths in your social environment? Can you cope with difficulties and realise your goals? A good social network also helps you feel gratitude. What are you grateful for? Are you grateful for your rich social network?
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