In the year 2033, if man is still alive, we may have witnessed the advent of flying cars, and the prime minister could well be an AI robot.
Or it’s possible we may be in the middle of a zombie apocalypse or some dystopian lawless future along the lines of Mad Max movies.
And yet, after the announcement of a new nine-year contract, we’re told that Nicolas Jackson will still be tied to Chelsea.
Despite the fact that the Senegalese striker, 23, isn’t actually all that good.
Despite the fact that the Blues were trying to sign Victor Osimhen to replace him as their first-choice centre-forward.
And despite the fact the club is already failing to rid itself of unwanted players on long deals.
Chelsea now have 20 players under contract into the next decade, many of whom you’ll never have heard of.
And they now have so many wingers that there are genuine suggestions they forgot to announce the loan signing of Jadon Sancho from Manchester United, which wasn’t confirmed until 18 hours after the closure of the transfer window on Friday.
Apparently, those long contracts are all part of a brilliant ploy from chairman Todd Boehly and his Clearlake crew, designed to circumvent profit and sustainability rules that are unlikely to last for very long in any recognisable form.
After Sunday’s 1-1 home draw with Crystal Palace, head coach Enzo Maresca mentioned that while the club won the Champions League just three years ago, “now it is not that kind of Chelsea.”. He ain’t wrong.
Maresca is the sixth different man to select the Blues’ first team since that victory over Manchester City in 2021.
Twenty of the 22 men on Chelsea’s team sheet that night have since left Stamford Bridge, while a 21st, Ben Chilwell, is part of Maresca’s disposable ‘bomb squad’.
It has been the most comprehensive overhaul in English football history.
Reece James, the only first-team squad member to survive, played a blinder that night in Porto by pocketing City’s Raheem Sterling.
A year later, Sterling became Boehly’s first marquee Chelsea signing.
Sterling, 29, is now on loan to Arsenal, meaning he is good enough to have been signed by four of England’s five biggest clubs and to have been targeted by the fifth, Manchester United, before joining the Gunners.
Yet Sterling was approximately Maresca’s sixth-choice winger. Although we may have forgotten about one or two others.
Mykhailo Mudryk, hijacked from Arsenal when he was supposed to have been the final piece in Mikel Arteta’s title-winning team, is still at Chelsea and still stands a better chance of winning Olympic 100-meter gold than the Ballon d’Or.
Joao Felix, 24, dismal on loan at Chelsea under Graham Potter last year, has now been signed permanently. But only until 2031.
You get the picture. This whole ‘project’ feels like lunacy.
There is a fine line between madness and genius. Boehly and his mates think they are on one side of that line; the rest of us disagree.
And if you don’t support Chelsea, it’s undoubtedly funny.
The Boehly regime is like a far-fetched satire of what Premier League football was already becoming—ssoulless, transient, junk food content for the masses.
But if you’re a proper Blues fan—aand despite the large selfie-stick element at the Bridge, there are still plenty of them—tthis must be a sad experience.
Because surely the essence of supporting a club is feeling some sort of connection with your players?
Surely you crave some sort of identity. Some sort of core to the team. Something with a vague air of permanence.
Yet Boehly & Co. have achieved the seemingly impossible of making the trigger-happy Roman Abramovich era a vehicle for nostalgia about a more stable past.
Back then, the likes of Petr Cech, John Terry, Frank Lampard, and Didier Drogba stuck together, won trophies, and, yes, probably demanded the sacking of a fair few managers along the way. But they were Chelsea.
A recognisable team at a vaguely coherent and immensely successful football club.
Chelsea may yet be severely punished by the Premier League for the financial sins of the Abramovich reign, which may lend it a less flattering hue in the memory of supporters.
That threat is one of many reasons to fear for the club’s future.
If you’re an optimist, you can point to the immense talent at Maresca’s disposal, which makes them capable of results like last week’s 6-2 win at Wolves.
If you’re capable of extreme positivity, you might even believe in Boehly’s masterplan of an inexperienced squad on long contracts growing together to conquer the world.
Even that Jackson may eventually break Lampard’s 211-goal all-time club goalscoring record.
Perhaps that will be in an Inter-Galactic Champions League tie against Martians or cyborgs.
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