Sex can be complicated, but how long it should last doesn't have to be,
Frisky time
When it comes to sex, insecurities can abound. You might wonder whether you look OK naked, if you’re doing this move right, or whether you’re moving too fast—or too slow.
Look, sex is intimate. And being that vulnerable with another person can have you questioning everything including the best time to have sex, how often to have it, and how long it should last.
The word “should” can be problematic though. Using this phrase can add a level of shame and self-criticism. That’s why sex therapists have a lot to say about how long sex should last. Here’s what they want you to knowBefore we can discuss how long sex should last, there are a few nuances to cover, including the definition of sex itself.
First, sex can be with yourself, a partner, or more than one partner, according to sex therapist Douglas Braun-Harvey, cofounder of The Harvey Institute, which conducts sexual health trainings and consultations.Then there’s the question of when sex “begins” and “ends.” The answer may differ depending on who you ask.
For example, some might say sex begins when there is penetration, while others might say it starts during foreplay. People may feel sex ends with an orgasm, but others may count cuddling. There’s no right or wrong answer.
Sex therapist Sari Cooper, founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, says that, generally, what most people think of when they say the word “sex” is a penetrative sexual act that ends in one or two partners coming to orgasm.
“The term sex is not helpful here, as it is most frequently hetero-male focused and may not include sexual scenarios that don’t include orgasms,” she says. “Many studies leave out a large range of sexual acts and folks who identify with different orientations.”
When working with clients, Cooper uses “sex” as a large umbrella term that includes an extensive range of erotic and sexual actions that don’t always involve orgasms. This encourages people to feel more confidant about their erotic desires.
There’s an inherent problem with using orgasm as a sexual finish line.
If how long sex lasts relates to one partner’s orgasm, then it leaves out the timing needed for another partner to reach orgasm, Cooper says. Think about heterosexual partners: A man and a woman may not reach orgasm at the same time.
According to Cooper, some studies say the median time it takes people with penises to reach orgasm through vaginal penetration is about five to six minutes. And one of the few studies to explore people with vagina’s needed length of time before orgasm in an erotic scenario found that it takes an average of 13.4 minutes.
Not only does focusing on the time to climax get tricky for male-female partners, but it also leaves out those who never have orgasms or those who can’t orgasm with every encounter, which is not uncommon, says licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, the codirector of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes..
The consensus among sex therapists is that there’s no absolute or standard time range.
Placing emphasis on how long you had sex actually inhibits physical intimacy, according to Braun-Harvey. “It focuses on a standard that leads to less pleasure and less connection with oneself or partner,” he says.Sex therapist Dulcinea Alex Pitagora says that it should last as long as both parties are consenting and enjoying sex, and that may range from a matter of minutes to a number of hours.
Depending on a handful of factors, somewhere between five to 20 minutes is what most find desirable, Needle says.
blogpay
Total Comments: 0