The Day I Almost Lost My Sanity, Thanks to Chinedu
Chinedu was that one guy in the neighborhood everyone knew but wished they didn’t. He wasn’t a bad guy, just… exhausting. If you saw him walking toward you, you’d consider diving into a bush just to avoid the conversation. But somehow, he always made you laugh—right before making you regret it.
It started one Friday evening. I’d just returned home from work, mentally and physically drained. As I parked my car, I saw him leaning on my gate, scrolling through his phone like he owned the place.
“Senior man!” he shouted, grinning like he’d won the lottery.
I sighed. “Chinedu, what do you want?”
He put his hand on his chest, feigning hurt. “Ah-ah, is that how you greet your brother? I’m here to check on you o. You know, life is too short. We need to care for each other.”
I wasn’t buying it. “What do you want?”
“Well…” He scratched his head. “My generator broke down. I just need a little help charging my phone. Just for one hour.”
I knew better, but I still let him in. Big mistake.
Two hours later, I came out of the shower to find him sprawled on my couch, eating my biscuits, drinking my Coke, and watching my Netflix.
“Chinedu!” I yelled.
“Ah, welcome back, my guy!” he said, not even looking up. “This series is mad o. Have you seen the part where. "
“Get up!” I barked.
He laughed. “Relax na. By the way, your Wi-Fi password wasn’t connecting, so I reset your router. Hope that’s fine?”
I stared at him in disbelief. “You reset my router?!”
“Don’t be angry. I fixed it. By the way, your Coke is cold. I like that. Do you have any more?”
At that moment, I contemplated murder.
The next day, I decided to avoid him. I locked my gate, closed my curtains, and settled in for a peaceful Saturday. But Chinedu had other plans.
Around noon, I heard my gate rattling. Then his voice: “Senior man! Your gate is locked. Hope you’re okay o! Should I call someone?”
I ignored him
“Senior man! Your car is here. I know you’re inside.”
Still, I stayed silent.
Two minutes later, my phone rang. It was Chinedu. I declined the call. A text followed: “Are you alive? Reply yes or no.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I stormed out and opened the gate.
“What is it?!” I yelled.
“Ah, thank God you’re okay,” he said, stepping inside uninvited. “I was worried.”
“Chinedu, what do you want this time?”
“Well…” He grinned sheepishly. “My cousin is coming to town, and I need your help picking her up from the airport. My car has a small issue.”
I wanted to scream. “And you can’t take an Uber?”
“Senior man, don’t be like that. Family is important.”
Against my better judgment, I agreed. By the time we got to the airport, I was regretting my life choices.
His “cousin” turned out to be a stunning woman who clearly didn’t think much of Chinedu. As she got into my car, she said, “You’re the one he begged to pick me up?”
Begged?!
Chinedu laughed nervously. “Ah, cousin, don’t mind her. She jokes a lot.”
The ride back was awkward. She ignored him completely and kept asking me questions about my job, my hobbies, my life. By the time we reached her hotel, I realized two things:
1. Chinedu had set me up on a blind date without telling me.
2. I might actually like his cousin.
When I dropped her off, Chinedu smirked. “Senior man, you owe me for this one.”
I glared at him. “Chinedu, get out of my car.”
He laughed, slapping my shoulder. “Don’t mention it. That’s what brothers are for.”
As I drove home, I couldn’t decide whether to thank him or block him for life.
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