Even though I am seventy years of age, I still learn something new every day. You know what they say...inquiring minds need to know, right? I suppose that is why I read the news online as a daily habit.
Today, I found another morsel of interesting information about another lifelong habit of mine...tardiness. Yes, I admit to it. I have felt shame and confusion over this trend of mine, more than once. I've struggled with this flaw in my character and have never been able to overcome this dreadful tendency.
No matter how early I arose or not even how well I prepared the night before, I would somehow lose focus and get lost in my thoughts over my morning coffee, and become shocked as I looked at my clock and panicky because so much time had elapsed. I knew that my commute to work would be a crap shoot because of the traffic that I would now be forced to fight. (If only I had left the house 15 minutes earlier, I would not have to endure the chaos and near wrecks of other late arrivers, now rushing as I would have to.) ANXIETY!
Self-loathing abounded and I sometimes felt the wrath of others who rightfully felt disrespected from my negligent indiscretions. Most probably believed my weakness to be a passive-aggressive tactic and truthfully, I wondered if that was true?
So, when I read the article from the Washington Post and linked below, I felt somewhat redeemed. Could this be what had happened to me??? Or was it something else? It read:
"While there is no diagnosis for it, some people explain that, despite their best efforts, they frequently lose track of time, underestimate or overestimate how long tasks will take, show up late, and miss deadlines."
I must give myself some credit, though...I never missed deadlines. Why? Because I would become so thoroughly engrossed in the actual project, I wanted to finish it as quickly as I could. I would work on it up until the very last minute, though...pushing to add this or take away that.
The article goes on to say that there has been a connection with time blindness and ADHD and sometimes autism. I must reject the idea that I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. There has never been anything "hyper" about me or my personality. Autism? If so, very high functioning, but probably not...only that I AM very sensitive to becoming overstimulated by crowds, noises, and fast movement by others.
However, when I had my DNA analysis done, it did mention that my Circadian rhythm was the same of those in China: fourteen plus hours off my American clock!!! Maybe that would account for my disorientation? It can be very draining to my psyche.
Could all of this scientific speculation be the answer to my tardiness or am I really (secretly) angry at people and want to show them they have no control over me? The questions still plague me, but I do think that this new concept of time blindness best explains my conundrum.
I suppose I could move to China, where I could have a better rhythm about myself, but there are way too many people, all crowded together there, so that's not going to work for me. (Not to mention the language barrier.)
The good news is that I am retired and don't have too many places to go to (late or otherwise) anyways. Or I could just be like Marylin Monroe and say,
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