Postponing happiness for some uncontrollable future event is unlikely to result in happiness.
A calculated misstatement.
“Afternoon,” Rejoice said.
The man nodded. “Hello.”
Rejoice held out her hand.“You’re Pete Grootbooi?”
“That’s right.”He pulled off a pair of glasses and smiled with his mouth, though not his eyes, and he shook hands.
“You’re the owner?” Rejoice asked.
“Owner, right.Chief cook and bottle washer.I’ve had this store for twelve years.Same location.Almost thirteen.”
Unnecessary information.Often a sign of deception.But it could also be offered because he was uneasy with the unexpected visit.One of the most important rules in kinesthetics is that a single gesture or behaviour means very little.You can’t accurately judge a response in isolation but only by looking for ‘clusters’ – for instance, the body language of crossing one’s arms has to be considered in the light of the subject’s eye contact, hand movement, tone of voice and the substance of what he is saying, as well as his choice of words.
And to be meaningful, the behaviour has to be consistent when the same stimuli are repeated.It’s all about a consistently well-played game.
“Another robbery around the neighbourhood?”
“No, murder.”
“Murder?”
“That’s right.Two people were killed last night. I think the feathers you sell were left behind as messages of some kind.I’m not sure.” Rejoice frowned. “The whole thing is pretty confusing.If I were going to murder someone, I wouldn’t hide the feather 3 metres away, right next to a wall.I would leave it a lot closer and out in the open.So I just don’t know.”
Rejoice watched his reaction carefully.To her calculated misstatement, Grootbooi gave the same response as anyone unfamiliar with the situation, a shake of the head at the tragedy, but no other reaction.Had he been the killer, he would most likely have given a recognition response – usually centering around the eyes and nose – that her words didn’t coincide with the facts.He would have thought: But the killer did leave it by the body.Why would somebody move it?And that thought would have been accompanied by very specific gestures and body language.
Kinesthetic Communication: Why Is It So Important?
Kinesthetic communication is one of the many forms of language that human beings use. Generally speaking, it is also called body language. It includes all body movements. Kinesthetic communication is very powerful. It transmits a lot of information about a person’s character and emotions. Although we are not generally aware of how we’re sending or receiving information with it, it is certainly communication.
“And I found that, of all the senses, the eye was the most superficial, the ear the most haughty, smell the most voluptuous, taste the most superstitious and inconstant, touch the most profound and philosophical.”
-Denis Diderot-
The “words” of this language are gestures, posture, the eyes, and body movements. You can also include tone of voice and physical contact.
Touch is one of the most important components of kinesthetic communication. Every human being has tactile behaviour, even if they are not aware of it. It is, in fact, a form of communication that is going by the wayside.
New technologies connect us, but only via devices. In the opposite direction, physical contactwith others is increasingly scarce. We communicate with others virtually and not so much with skin with skin.
Kinesthetic communication through touch is one of the most primitive ways of connecting with other human beings. Thus, it is also one of the most genuine and essential. We all need to touch and be touched. A child who is not touched will have a harder time surviving his first few months of life, and will likely have emotional problems later. We need it our whole lives, though less so as we get older. But we really need it in certain times of our lives, like grief or illness.
Kinesthetic communication can either strengthen or weaken relationships. Couples who care about each other and show it with touch will likely have a longer-lasting relationship. People who have more physical contact with their peers are happier and get sick less. While today’s society discourages touch, being aware of it is the first step in ensuring that physical touch lives on.
The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but [who] we are. And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques rather than from our own inner core, others will sense that duplicity. We simply won’t be able to create and sustain the foundation necessary for effective interdependence.
Stephen R. Covey
What is effective communication?
Besides making our relationships easier, there are also relationship-boosting benefits to good communication:
Effective communication shows respect and value of the other person.
It helps us to better understand each other; not all communication is about understanding—some are intended to fight, dismiss, invalidate, undermine, etc.—but it should be!
It makes us feel more comfortable with each other and encourages even more healthy and effective communication (Abass, n.d.).
How can we improve our communication?
These tips from Australia’s Better Health Channel can help guide you toward better communication with your partner or spouse (these tips can also apply to any other relationship in your life with a little tweaking):
Set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television.
Think about what you want to say.
Be clear about what you want to communicate.
Make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean.
Talk about what is happening and how it affects you.
Talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’.
Accept responsibility for your own feelings.
Listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy).
Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you.
Be aware of your tone of voice.
Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, sometimes let the issue go, or agree to disagree (Victoria Department of Health & Human Services, n.d.).
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