A mother expresses her feelings of inadequacy as her 2-year-old daughter seems to prefer her father over her.

Dear Care and Feeding, My husband (32) and I (32) have a 1-year-old daughter. I am currently a stay-at-home mom and I am our child’s primary caregiver. Our breastfeeding journey was not a success, so we turned to bottle feeding, which initially left me feeling inadequate as well as deeply sad about losing that opportunity to bond with her. The silver lining was that it allowed my husband and me to take shifts in her care and gave me some much-needed rest (I had serious health concerns postpartum). But here we are at the one-year mark and it seems like she prefers her dad to me. I take care of her all day long and her dad takes over in the evening when he’s done with his work. He works from home and is an involved parent, but I am still the one actively thinking about parenting, not to mention researching, problem-solving, doing most of the activities that come with day-to-day parenting, and taking care of her 75 percent of the time. And yet she says “dada” but never says “mama” (and I know she can because she said it once! But repeated prompts after that were unsuccessful). I feel stupid writing this, as if I am complaining about her, which is not my intention. I play with her all day long and she is a bundle of laughs and silliness, and is happy with me! But the moment Dada enters the room, I might as well be the wall. She pushes me away and he is all she can see—even though he is stricter as a parent and I am the more comforting and empathetic one. Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Now, as she is becoming a toddler, her preference for him is even more obvious. Taking her away from Dada leads to a meltdown and I feel more inadequate than ever. Becoming a stay-at-home mom temporarily was my choice and was not an easy one. I was brought up by a nanny, as my mom and dad both worked full time, and I remember feeling quite alone as a kid, and desperately wanting attention from my parents. I did not want that for my child. But now I feel like I have dedicated myself to her and it doesn’t matter to her if I am around or not—which I know isn’t true, but that’s how it feels. I know this is a 1-year-old who is not intentionally blowing me off, but I can’t help feeling bad. I have spoken to my husband about this and he says it’s normal for girl children to prefer fathers and that I am reading more into it than there is because of my insecurities. I know parenthood is not a competition and that we are all lucky to be part of a loving, whole family. But I need help dealing with this nagging discontent that my kid likes her father better.

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