For this study, researchers wanted to build upon existing research that suggests trying to make a partner feel comfortable and better is linked with a huge relationship satisfaction. Specifically, they wanted to figure out which ways of making a partner feel better are actually most effective for emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction.
Expressive suppression: The regulator fosters the target to prevent verbally or physically showing their emotions
Humor: The regulator tries to enhance positive affect by making the target laugh (i.e. telling a joke or sharing a funny story)
Distraction: The regulator attempts to lower negative affect by refocusing the target’s attention away from the emotional event
Direct action: The regulator directly changes the target’s condition to reduce negative affect
Reappraisal: The regulator encourages the target to shift the way they think about a situation in order to increase positive affect
Receptive listening: The regulator fosters the target to express their emotions to help lessen negative affect
Valuing: The regulator expresses how much the target is valued and special to increase positive affect.
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After participants were surveyed on these different processes, along with their relationship satisfaction, the study authors found three processes that stood out the most.
What to do about it
Given the findings of this research, the call to action is pretty straightforward: When your partner is having a bad day, lean on these three processes to help them regulate. According to the study authors, it not only helps your partner feel better, but in turn, boosts yourrelationship satisfaction as well.
Make them laugh
Sometimes, on a bad day, you just need to hear a good amusing joke to help clear the cloud over your head. This research makes that clear, showing a strong connection between humor and emotional regulation as it relates to relationship satisfaction and comfort.
The study authors further note that shared laughter within a relationship predicts "not only relationship satisfaction, but also assess of closeness, relationship quality, and social support."
Show your partner you value them as they are
We all want to feel like our partner sees and values us, even on (and maybe especially on) our worst days. As the study authors write, "Valuing was the strongest predictor of greater regulator relationship satisfaction, adding, "Complimenting and valuing one’s partner benefits both the giver and receiver of the compliments
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The takeaway
It can seem tricky to know the best course of action to take when your partner is having "one of those days," but according to this research, it doesn't have to be complicated. By simply listening, sharing humor, and showing you value them, you're helping your partner and simultaneously increasing the intimacy and satisfaction of your relationship.
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For this study, researchers wanted to build upon existing research that suggests trying to make a partner feel comfortable and better is linked with a huge relationship satisfaction. Specifically, they wanted to figure out which ways of making a partner feel better are actually most effective for emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction.
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