“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? …How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? …But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
Psalm 13
The Human Brain
The human mind is a gift and a wonder. Our brains process information so quickly we are seldom aware of the process. We can evaluate visual information and auditory information and walk down a flight of stairs at the same time. Usually, we can do all of that without tumbling face first. Usually. Our minds regulate our hearts, lungs, and bodily process without us thinking about them while, at the same time, allowing us to savor a juicy bacon double cheeseburger. Our minds can learn music, science, languages, can study great writers and philosophers, and notice the purple and pink glow of a sunset. Not only can the mind do all that, but it also stores our memories and processes our emotions.
Emotions, though, are where our brains can get stuck. Normally we process them just fine. We laugh at reruns of Friends and feel the wonder of love with relative ease. When we do have difficulty, though, it is usually in processing less comfortable emotions.
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Monochrome portrait. Original public domain image from Wikimedia Commons
Uncomfortable Emotions
Sadness is difficult for us to process. In one sense, it is the most unwelcome emotion. Few of us want to feel sad. We want to be happy as happiness is likely the most pleasant of emotional states. We will even welcome fear, at least for a time. Fear is an emotional warning that all is not well. We are not safe, and fear causes us to protect ourselves and those who are vulnerable. While anger is dangerous, it can be useful. Anger allows our fight-or-flight responses to emerge in response to a threat. We will even tolerate anxiety as its demands for us to prepare can be very useful.
Is There a Purpose in Sadness
Sadness, though, seems not particularly useful. Unlike the other emotions, sadness usually does not tend to cause activity. When we are sad, we tend to stop. Sometimes we even weep. It does not feel productive. Sadness has a purpose, however. It is the body and mind’s way of helping us heal from large and small emotional wounds. Small wounds do not take long to heal. We can bounce back from not getting a raise or being disappointed quickly. Brief sadness is enough for us to heal. Deep trauma usually requires deep sadness to heal, though. For sadness to do its work, though, it cannot be avoided or shunned. We cannot make it go away by going shopping, eating mass quantities of chocolate, distracting ourselves with unnecessary tasks, or starting new labor-intensive projects. It may move into the background, but sadness is still there needing to do its work.
Failing to accept sadness in our lives is dangerous to our well-being. Rushing out of sadness can create an additional emotional wound that will reveal itself later. Unprocessed sadness can appear at seemingly random times and with deeper intensity.
From Sadness to Depression
There is such a thing as protracted sadness. There is a point at which sadness turns into depression. If your sadness has turned into clinical depression, there is no shame in finding a counselor and getting medical attention. In fact, it is dangerous to not get help. You can trust God and talk to a counselor; you can believe in Jesus and take anti-depressants. The Psalmist had no such option. You do.
The Internal Critic
The Psalmist also describes something familiar to many modern ears. He thought life is distressing. Many of us share his sense of pitched emotional battles in our thoughts and emotions. A recurrent thought pattern may emerge, tormenting us with our mistakes of the past. Another thought pattern informs us we are as worthless as worms. Try as we may to banish the thoughts to the hinterlands of the mind, they revisit us. Like telemarketers reminding us of our car’s expiring warrantee, the thoughts will not leave us alone.
They especially seem to visit us when we make a mistake, no matter how minor. Misplace your wallet they scream, “You are irresponsible.” Forget an important meeting, “you are a failure,” they taunt. Have a bad hair day, “you are horribly unattractive,” they sneer. Make a careless mistake and they mock, “How stupid can you be?” They seem to have no agenda other than to remind us of our failings and our shortcomings. They will bring up a mistake at every success just to deflate you. If tragedy has befallen you, they will tell you it is your fault, truth notwithstanding. They make you feel miserable. If this is what your thought life is like, know you are not alone. Some of the most successful people in the world have cases of imposter syndrome. It makes them feel, even after tremendous success, like they are phonies who will sooner or later get exposed.
What Our Emotions Cannot Change
Some people have no experience with unwelcome thoughts. They are among the fortunate. Those who do know them wish for the bliss of being among the unburdened. Demanding and destructive, these internal critics operate without apparent concern for how it affects the person. They are ruthless and remorseless foes.
The Psalter knew something of this internal war. Daily, he wrestled with his thoughts. Daily he had sorrow in his heart. What he wanted was an escape. He wanted to feel the joy of life, to feel the sun on his face and feel the wonderful breeze of joy embrace his body. When would he be free of the burden of sorrow? When would he be free of the thoughts that suffocated every flame of light and life? He did not know. All he seems to know is the internal warfare consuming his soul.
What the Psalmist wants is an end. He wants an end to the taunts of his enemies, an end to his warring thoughts, an end to his sadness. Rightly, he cries out to God to help. The glimmer of hope he clings to is the unwavering, steadfast love of God toward His people.
When your mind is sorrowful and your thoughts are unwelcome, cling to God and God’s grace. God loves you. There is no internal battle, internal critic, or depth of sadness able to change this fact.
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“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? …How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? …But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
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