3 months ago
3 months ago
Most men don't marry wrong because they aimed too high and missed, but because they aimed too low and hit. Over eighty per cent of the men I meet were fathered poorly, which left them with a crippling low self-esteem and self-doubt. And since he doesn't know that low self-esteem is a wound of the soul that he must cure by himself before attempting to marry,
He then tries to control her to keep her loyal. He does this by over providing, reasoning that if he gives her everything, then she won't have a reason to go out. But since she only chose him as a fix for her situation or a ticket to the good life, after he gives her material comforts, she now goes for emotional pleasure from those whom she likes. In essence, he is cheated twice; he marries downwards, and he's still cheated on.
Another form of control is hovering and stalking. Keeping tabs on her every move and communication. This is still smothering, and over time, she rebels or cheats just for vindication.
If this same man just took the time out and healed, he may easily marry the kind of woman who would give him peace and prosperity. But you see, the urges and compulsions of an unhealed man scream and itch for indulgence. It would take a lot of willpower to restrain oneself and go for psychological surgery. This is further compunded by the fact that men have historically mistaken admitting the need for help or healing as weakness. For this reason, only a courageous man will work on his wholeness.
Only this kind of man will ever have a fulfilling marriage because he must be at peace with himself before he can settle in a peaceful union. Troubling insecurities and relentless self doubt can not allow a man to rest in a healthy relationship. In short, you didn't parent yourself, brother, and you shouldn't pay for sins of someone else. Go heal the wounds they caused you with their distance and disaffection so that you can be yourself and at peace.
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Married Life › Relationship Advice & Tips
5 Reasons Why Men Are Not Marrying
By Sylvia Smith, Expert Blogger
Approved By Jeannie Sytsma, LMFTA
19.3k Reads Updated: 13 Dec, 2022
In This Article
5 reasons why men are not marrying
Hang around any coffee house or bar long enough and you might hear the murmurs of disappointment coming from people:
“I don’t want to get married. All I want is a friend with benefits.”
“He has zero interest in a committed relationship.”
The general consensus we are hearing from people nowadays is that less people out there are interested in putting a ring on it.
Even if it may feel like men are not marrying or interested in getting married, it is not true.
Sure, the percentage of never married men has been consistently rising, as per the U.S. Census Bureau. But still, the majority of men get married at least once in their lifetime.
But what about all the others?
Why are we seeing this decrease in the desire to commit? What are men afraid of? Why has men not marrying become a matter of concern?
This article discusses the real reasons that will help you understand how deep the problem goes.
5 reasons why men are not marrying
You might be looking for answers if your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married despite being in love with you. For you, marriage might be the natural next step, but marriage might be problematic for men not getting married.
Maybe he doesn’t believe in marriage, as he considers it complicated, unnatural or archaic. For some who don’t believe in marriage, the societal pressure or expectation to get married might create an aversion towards marriage.
Here are some possible reasons why men are not marrying at the rates that they used to:
1. The perception of loss of freedom
One of the men’s biggest fears about marriage? That they may suffer a loss of freedom.
The dread of losing one’s ability to freely make decisions for all aspects of their life can be why some men never marry.
Some men might be afraid to forsake the freedom to indulge in their favorite hobbies activities as they like. Freedom to hang around and watch Netflix all weekend long without someone compelling them to get up off the couch.
Marriage might be seen as a ball and chain, weighing them down
These men are not seeing the emotional and physical advantages of being in a union with someone they truly love; they only see the loss of their liberty.
So, single men fearing the loss of freedom tops the reasons why men don’t marry and why they propagate the idea that it is good for a man not to marry.
Fears about a potential divorce
There are a whole lot of men out there who have seen the emotional and economic damage divorce brings to the family unit. Men not marrying could be because they presume that a divorce is imminent. This fear might make them overlook the benefits of getting married.
Single men who avoid marriage may have grown up in a broken home, or they have “been there, done that” and don’t want to ever find themselves in such a vulnerable position again.
They think that history will repeat itself, so it is better not to create a new history with a new woman.
The problem with this mindset is that all love stories are different. Just because you’ve lived through one divorce does not foretell that you’ll have another one.
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