2. You cannot change them.

4. You need to stop and think about what you are doing.
Do you care for them as good friends? Do you think that your actions will make them think breaking up with you was a mistake? You are mistaken. Thinking all this will put you into emotional turmoil, only to hurt you again.

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'Should I Call My Ex'? 12 Reasons Not To Contact Them

Leave your past behind and move on to heal your wounded heart.

Reviewed by John Kenny, Diploma in Integrative Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy

Written by Akshay Nair, MA  •  Jul 14, 2023

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Image: Shutterstock

Breakups are hard, and they can leave you feeling shattered and all over the place. Just when you think you are getting your life together, you see your ex on your social media or at a coffee shop and one thought keeps on lurking in your mind, “Should I call my ex?”

After a gut-wrenching breakup, it is normal to miss them. No matter how much you convince yourself that they broke your heart, you may find yourself dialing their number and regretting it. If you are looking for reasons not to contact your ex, reading this post can be helpful.

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In This Article

Should I Call My Ex?

One of the main reasons why you might feel like calling your ex is to check whether they are missing you or not. Even if they are, they might not be in an agreeable state right away. Even if they are, they might not express it right away. Do not be fooled into thinking that they will melt and ask you to come back into their lives. If they have not initiated contact from their side, you should not reach out either. If they broke up with you, they most likely have moved on, and you should too.

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You should only contact your ex if you have unfinished business with them (loans, mortgage, or other important stuff). Even if they have not called you yet, take the initiative and call them since it concerns both of you equally.

12 Reasons Not To Contact Your Ex

If you have broken up with someone, you might have come across the “no-contact” rule. It’s the most effective way to get over an ex.

1. You will end up regretting it.

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Breakups are hard because they can leave you with a feeling of dejection. You feel that if you talk with sympathy and love, you might turn things in your favor. But instead of what you envisioned, chances are they might not want you back. So, do not attempt to converse or else that can leave you regretting it.

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2. You cannot change them.

You feel despondent, disheartened, and upset. So, when you want to reconnect with your ex, it is your emotional self that makes the decisions for you. Calling them to take you back is not the answer. If they broke up with you, then you calling them is not going to change their mind.

3. You don’t want to be just “friends” with them.

After a breakup, many people stay in touch with their ex-lovers and maintain being friends over time. However, not everyone can be like that.. If you think being around your ex can make you reminisce about the painful memory of your breakup, then you do not have to be friends with them. You are allowed to move on at your pace.

4. You need to stop and think about what you are doing.

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5. You will end up embarrassing yourself.

Let’s say you have mustered up all the courage to make that dreaded call. But what happens next? They might not want to communicate with you and ignore you. Will you end up leaving a text message then? The best thing to do is take some time away from your phone. To escape from that embarrassment, don’t act on your sudden urges to call your ex.

6. You are trying to revive something that died.

If your ex broke up with you, it means their intimate feelings for you have changed. Seeing you or hearing your voice is not going to sprout new feelings for you. Trying to revive a dead relationship is only going to be futile. You will only get emotional and hurt yourself.

7. You should stop paying heed to what your ex might be doing.

8. You and your ex could not work things out.

When you are hurt, it is common to miss your ex and get into remembering the good things. But the reality is the rapport did not work out, maybe because you were not compatible. You cannot change it by contacting them, so move on.

9. You should not be impulsive.

Impulsive decisions are good once in a while, but calling your ex, asking them to come back is a big no. You might feel weak momentarily, but do not give in just yet. If they want you back, they will initiate contact with you.

10. You deserve someone better.

11. You might be feeling lonely.

If you have locked yourself up in your room, with a box of tissues and chocolates only to cry and watch rom-coms—you are doing it wrong. You are allowed to grieve, but not for long. You will end up feeling lonely

12. You need to let go.