Welcome to The FWD: the conversation of here and now. Pass it on.
Working out has become hard to work out. You need to gain, then shred. Cardio is out, and then back in again. Are you not counting macros?
Show even a passing interest in fitness and your feeds will turn into an overcrowded weights room of wannabe gym influencers, hectoring you on everything from protein shakes to mental health while promising that if you just focus on calisthenics or kettlebells or chewing a rubber ball then the perfect body is all yours.
Even the gym itself, which was once a refuge from the noise and confusion of the outside world, has become just another stage for it. Etiquette is trampled in the pursuit of engagement. You can’t get to the lat machine without tripping over a tripod. No one knows where to look when stretching. Figuring out how to get fit is one thing, knowing how to behave while doing it is another.
What we need is a new playbook, one focused less on how to get ripped than how to enjoy yourself and feel good about your body while doing it. So we’ve enlisted the insights and opinions of some of the world’s best – and crucially, qualified – experts to help us build a manifesto for working out now. We’re calling them rules, but rules are there to be broken. So if you don’t like any of them, you can always make an angry TikTok about it.
Forget having a superhero body
When people come to Ben Carraway, Will Poulter’s personal trainer, and say, ‘I want to look like Adam Warlock in Guardians of the Galaxy’, they don’t realise how unrealistic their expectations are. “Actors' bodies are in a physiological state of maximum dehydration and pump simultaneously after 12-odd weeks of high-intensity workouts,” he explains. “You play clever tricks with the body to get the muscles to swell for 60 minutes – then it disappears.”
As Poulter puts it himself: “I didn't have a nine-to-five to hold down – it was my job, literally, to eat food I wasn't paying for, train at a gym I wasn't paying for, with trainers I wasn't paying for.” In other words: don’t blame yourself for not looking like a superhero, any more than you would for not being able to fly.
Learn to love your ‘gym nemesis’
You know who he is. You know exactly who he is. The guy you’ve become accidentally synchronised with at the gym, who you see every time you look in the mirror or stagger off the elliptical. The guy you’ve never exchanged more than grunt with as you reach over for the 14kg (sure he’s holding the 18kg, but have you seen that technique?). The guy you hate for no real reason other than he has a ponytail, or always wears a v-neck T-shirt. Dude sniffs as he lifts – can you fucking believe that?
Your gym nemesis is you. It’s a simple case of psychological transference. We hate in others what we truly fear in ourselves: in this case, that we look like a douchebag when we work out. The only way through is self-acceptance. The next time you see them, say hello, give a little smile, maybe even extend a sweaty palm. You never know. He might be a nice guy.
No one wants unsolicited gym advice
Even if the guy next to you is doing half-somersaults during his push-downs or gorilla walking on the treadmill, correcting someone’s bad form is bad form. You have no idea how self-conscious someone feels working out in public. And anyway, who appointed you as gym cop?
Stop wearing short shorts
So, now you can easily squat the equivalent of a small school bus and your thighs are objectively remarkable, your strapping himbo season has begun. Makes sense, then, to let those legs sing in short shorts.
Get on On Running
Zendaya and Dwayne Johnson have made them their go-to runners. Robert Pattinson was photographed speeding around Manhattan in a pair. Loewe, one of the hottest fashion brands in the world, have already done a collab. So what is it about On Running trainers?
“I've just run across America in them,” says founder of Puresport Run Club William Goodge, a real-life Forrest Gump whose record-breaking effort covered 3,100 miles. “On Running trainers take a lot of the force you throw at the ground. I started off wearing Nike Invincibles, but once I transitioned to On, it was pure comfort. I only got two blisters.” Not bad for a two month cross-country.
Stop worrying and embrace the gym thirst trap
If a man flexes in a gym and nobody is there to see it, did it really happen? Or to put it another way: should you, a fully grown adult, really be posting your gym selfies to Instagram? “Embrace the thirst,” insists Barry’s Bootcamp trainer George Palmer. “When you head into the office and people comment on your spicy changing room selfie, don’t feel embarrassed – lap it up.”
But mastering the art of the sexy gym selfie requires focus. “Be aware of your surroundings,” says Palmer. “I’ve seen countless selfies of Greek-god abs, only to be shown up by a line of dirty urinals in the background. Avoid strangers, too; they might not appreciate being an extra in your photo. And do wear nice underwear, especially if you’re going for platinum tier thirst.
Meet you at the barre
While Pilates has got Harry Kane and Harry Styles advocating for it, in 2023 your local barre class is still strangely dude-free. Which makes little sense, given the ballet-inspired workout is equally renowned for its low-impact power to tone and lengthen muscles, while improving stamina, agility, strength and coordination.
“I think the misconception is that you have to have had dance training,” says Rod Buchanan, an instructor at Psycle whose workout videos have gone viral in recent years. Be warned though: it’s much harder than he makes it look. “It’s very deceiving to the eye. If you just stand back and look at it, you think, ‘Oh that looks pretty easy, a bunch of women flailing their arms around.’ Then once men try it, they respect it.”
SUP, bro?
Standup paddleboarding (SUP) is that rarest of workouts where you barely break a sweat, but all the time you’re chiselling away at a six-pack. And unlike surfing, which can take years for a beginner to progress beyond the near-drowning stage, even a rookie can get a decent core and quad burn going with a paddleboard and an oar.
Connor Baxter, a medal-winning standup paddleboarder from Hawaii, says it’s all about balance: “Keep your back straight and try to use your legs and core to paddle instead of your arms and back.” Plus, it’s a fun way to explore your local lake, river or seaside. Just remember to borrow a wetsuit if you’re trying it in the Thames.
Nail the post-workout fit
These days Austin Butler, Harry Styles and Shawn Mendes are as likely to go viral for what they wear post-HIIT circuit as they are anything on the red carpet. For Mendes, this means black Nike vests, thigh-high shorts, Reebok Club Cs and big ol’ Lululemon carryalls, the go-to brand for gym bros and girls who spend pretty on Equinox memberships. For Butler, it’s teeny black T-shirts and slubby Adidas joggers.
blogpay
