We humans, we love our simple noises. Isn’t it great to be able to grunt and get a point across? Minimal effort. That’s what the human experience is about. Minimal effort for maximum output. In the English language, we have a lot of these. Ever notice a lot of them are two letters and end with an H?
Ah. Eh. Oh. Uh.
Hold on a second, I’ve noticed something. Something is awry.
We have five vowels in the alphabet. A, E, I, O, U. And we used all but one of those vowels, paired with an H, to create different words with different meanings.
Ah = A sense of discovery or enlightenment.
Why was I late?! I was late because you boxed me in with your car!
Ah.
Eh = Expressing dissatisfaction or feelings of something being mediocre.
I worked very hard on my short film. So, what did you think?
Eh.
Oh = Moderate surprise.
No, I won’t be showing up to our second date because you are an asshole.
Oh.
Uh = Pondering or buying time so that you may think of an answer.
Did you think you would get away with this?
Uh.
We used A, E, O, U… but we didn’t use I.
I see room for improvement. Room for creation.
We need the word, ih. Ih.
What is a feeling we would love to be able to convey, but with just one syllable? Something that hasn’t already been covered with our plethora of words?
I feel each of the words, ah, eh, oh, and uh all sound like the emotion they convey. That is why we use them. They sound like what they mean. So, I think… what does ih sound like? Ih being pronounced as the first syllable to igloo… of course.
It sounds similar to eh. Eh is used in a negative sense. Something isn’t up to standards or you don’t want to participate in something. Want to come to my improv show? … Eh. See, here, the person speaking “eh” doesn’t want to come to the improv show… and they are not going to go. You can tell. They are content to sit at home on the couch and watch reruns of Golden Girls on the Hallmark Channel.
Ih sounds similar… with some negativity… but less so. Ih, to me, sounds like you aren’t thrilled about something, but you will do it anyway. However, you want people to know you aren’t into it.
Want to come to my improv show?
Eh.
That guy doesn’t want to go to the show AND he is not going. Don’t bother asking him follow up questions. You will not get a “yes and” you will get a flat out “no.”
Want to come to my improv show?
Ih.
That guy isn’t thrilled about the idea, but he will likely go. Maybe he is a good friend of yours and will support you. Or maybe he says this to let you know he doesn’t want to, but you can persuade him… with a beer… or a free meal.
If you speak “ih” you are not interested… but you can be bought.
Will you be my date to Thanksgiving? Everyone in my family thinks I am such a loser because I never have a date to bring.
Eh.
Will you be my date to Thanksgiving? Everyone in my family thinks I am such a loser because I never have a date to bring. I will steal several plates of leftovers at the end of the night and they are all yours.
Ih.
That guy better follow up on his promise to steal leftovers for his new date.
Would you also like to come to my family’s Christmas gathering?
Uh.
Watch out, she’s planning her escape.
I’ve already told them about you, they’re so happy I’m in a relationship.
Oh.
Dude, she is surprised, since you guys are NOT dating.
It’s cool, I don’t think we are actually in a relationship. It’s a ruse so my parents will leave me alone.
Ah.
You saved that one! She is relieved you aren’t delusional.
Yeah, I am waiting until New Year’s to ask you out… just before the ball drops… it will be so romantic.
Oh. Uh. Aeaaaaiouaaahhhhh!
And you lost her. She is running away and she will never return.
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