All things change. clothing, conveyance, and ways of living. Understanding and perspectives. Films, including music. Policy and politics.
Indeed, recall the era when individuals considered cigarette smoking to be beneficial to health.
Life is replete with transformation.
Change is usually welcomed. It is acknowledged that we are improving our lives and keeping up with the times. However, the fact that we now have a choice about having children and that more and more of us are choosing not to is one development that hasn't been embraced.
Oh no, not everyone is delighted with this development.
Consider Elon Musk as an example. He fancies himself a space pioneer, a tech thought leader, and now he takes away the power to vote from individuals who choose not to have children. Indeed, he wants to penalize and outcast everyone who decides not to have children.
In the past, everyone who was capable of producing children would do so. It was just something you did, or more accurately, something you were unable to prevent.
Please appreciate that some women have always opted not to become moms. However, because condoms weren't created until 1858 and the birth control pill wasn't accessible until the 1960s, when the sexual revolution began, these women occasionally had to skip marriage totally in order to prevent having children.
However, in 2024, the news is spreading that we have an option when it comes to reproduction, even if it isn't yet applicable in every nation.
Having children is not a necessity. Furthermore, there is no promise that we will get our wishes even if we choose to have them.
Although I've always known that having kids isn't for me, I absolutely appreciate how tough this option is for many other people. More than ever before, individuals are pondering whether or not motherhood is their calling.
How in the world do we go about making this selection now that we have a choice?
Now let's discuss fledging.
I've already read a sneak peek of Rose Diell's novel Fledging, which was published on August 28. I admire how beautifully Diell writes on the complexities of picking a kid.
Making the decision to have children needs great thought and deliberation. People presume that those of us who choose not to have children do so impulsively. In truth, a lot of individuals struggle with this choice and may even see a therapist to help them decide whether having children is suitable for them.
In a span of days, I devoured Fledging. The way the narrative concludes with Lia, the main character, laying an egg, really appealed to me. Lia's opinions on whether or not she even wants children are merged into this symbolic metaphor, which presents a creative and visual analysis of this complex subject.
Diell expertly conveys Lia's innermost wishes, concerns, and thoughts via her encounters and attachment with Bird, the hatchling from the egg. As Lia looks to Bird and sorts through her heart's rumblings about whether she has what it takes to be a mother, we witness her maternal side. Desire is the first key component she explores.
Diell is able to artistically portray the inner agony that many women go through when they don't feel the desire to have children via Lia. For the most part, we are merely copying society, which makes us doubt our identity and purpose as women.
Given how often a woman's value is associated with her function as a mother, society continues to devalue women who choose not to become mothers.
As this investigation of maternal values so beautifully puts it:
Untangling women from motherhood is a fundamental thread in our works on this topic, as it has been for many other writers who have written on childfree choice before Diell and will continue to do so.
I really like the discussions of how friendships alter and evolve as our paths diverge. Diell also highlights another common topic that receives relatively little attention: how having no children frees up time and space for us to focus on philanthropic projects.
Then there is the feeling of duty.
Diell adds Lia's mother, who is near death, in the plot. Lia develops a constant sense of shame or regret for not committing to having a child as one generation goes. This addresses the problematic social concept that having a kid is an obligation or a respect to our parents. As if leaving anything behind and letting life continue is a means to prevent death by having a child.
I ate it twice because it was so wonderful.
Diell came out to me on social media more than a year ago, asking if I would be interested in reviewing the draft of her book. She didn't have a publisher for it yet.
I consumed the narrative via a PDF on my mobile device.
I read it for the first time, and Diell asked me what I thought. What, in my opinion, worked, what didn't, and what should be altered or added? In answer to Diell's request, I didn't hold back from expressing my opinion that the concept of friendship might be further investigated, even if my reaction was mostly good.
As someone who has been having discussions about the non-parent experience for more than five years, I can attest that friendship is a topic that greatly distresses both childless and childfree folks.
Seeing the words on paper and holding the last advance reading copy of Fledging in my hands was an incredible thrill. When I read the narrative again, I became aware of motifs that I had missed the first time. Additionally, Diell underscores the tough nature of friendships and brilliantly depicts how relationships evolve with the birth of children.
One incident reminded me of my own memories.
In the tale, Lia's two companions are each having a terrible time adjusting to fatherhood. Both of them confide in Lia about their emotions of isolation and loneliness. In order to establish the three of them as a support system for one another, Lia works as a mediator between them and sets up a date.
As Lia sits with her baby-consumed companions, we sense her surplus:
I've done the same thing with pals in the past. I offered them to each other since they were what they needed at the moment, but I ended up being abandoned by both of them. I was no longer required. Three was a throng, and two was company. I thus slipped away.
Additionally, we see a contrasted exchange where Lia sympathetically hears the grief and unmet dreams of a friend who is having problems becoming pregnant. Lia dismisses her lack of interest in having kids. She recognizes this is not the ideal moment, even if her inner voice discreetly wants to comfort her friend that life is about more than babies. Rather, she considers if she is faulty and disordered.
Yes, that ancient chestnut. The number of times I've felt like I'm broken because I don't want kids.
I've realized that as our paths separate, friendships always alter. Some survive, some bloom, and others pass away. Finding acceptance in this while learning a new dance together is the hard part.
In internet chat rooms, I've heard remarks about persons wishing to have a child in order to blend in with their friends and remain relevant to them. I'm heartbroken by this, especially for the youngster.
It may be more frequent than we believe to have children in order to acquire acceptance and social inclusion.
I want to spread the word: If you want children and think you would be a fantastic parent, then have them. Not because it's your pass to a certain social scene or because it's what someone else craves.
I recognize that it could be difficult to distinguish between pronatalism's themes of reproduction and our personal wishes.
We sensed Lia's genuine internal pain during her trip. But as she comes out of this reflection, hatched, free, and soaring with the certainty of her decision, there's something strong and self-aware.
The decision to have children is ultimately a personal one. There is an individual right and wrong, but there isn't a universal right or wrong, despite what some individuals may believe.
Like Lia, we have to examine ourselves attentively in order to decide what is best for us.
Indeed, society may utilize coercive measures to coerce people into having children, such as placing a tax on childlessness or accusing us of being greedy by the Pope and Elon Musk.
Let's be honest, however. Your pregnancy and delivery will not be endured by the Pope and Musky boy. They won't have to deal with the financial and daycare arrangements for your prospective kid or the restless nights of a newborn's first few days. Therefore, they have no authority to guide you in any way.
It all comes down to decision, isn't it? Being able to opt out is liberating, even if I don't feel like I've had a choice in the sense that it's something I've always known.
We are grateful to Rose Diell and her publishers at Renard Press for bringing Fledging into the world, which adds to the increasing body of childfree works and highlights how difficult the choice to have a child may be for certain individuals.
Buy me a coffee or get in touch with me here if you enjoyed what I said.
Stories of living without children, whether due to need or choice, are the focus of Living Without Children. Follow us on Instagram, Threads, Discord, and Substack.
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