Years ago, no one would have described me as family-oriented. Despite frequently talking about my family, I didn't truly value or appreciate having one. The dysfunction I recognized often clouded my view and my frustrations were evident in how openly I vented to others. While I made attempts to be grateful, I frequently found reasons to complain about members of my family. Immaturity and a lack of discernment hindered my ability to show compassion, failing to recognize that, like me, my family were flawed individuals also in need of healing and love.
Through gradual healing, my perspective on family shifted dramatically. I went from judging women who longed for one to becoming a woman who desired one myself. A couple of years before meeting my husband, I quietly embraced this new longing, hesitant to share it due to my previous outspoken disdain for family life. However, early in our relationship, I opened up to him about my desire to build a family together. To my relief, he shared the same dream, which strengthened the foundation of our journey. Yet despite our mutual intentions, we often allowed other aspirations to take priority over actively pursuing this goal.
In truth, I was eager to marry my husband not long after we started dating. Burdened by emotional wounds, I failed to recognize that I was seeking healing for my abandonment issues through marriage. Having felt neglected by my birth family, I longed to feel truly wanted and simply being a girlfriend didn’t satisfy that need. Within a year, I had transferred that longing to motherhood, making it my new idol. I desperately yearned for someone who would love me as deeply as I loved them. It became evident that my desire for a family was rooted more in unhealed pain than in a healthy, genuine place.
As my mental well-being declined, I returned to therapy, where I finally unloaded much of the emotional baggage I had been carrying. To my surprise, I confronted aspects of my familial trauma that I had rarely, if ever, spoken about. This marked a significant breakthrough in my healing journey, allowing me to see my life — and my unhealthy attachment to certain desires — with newfound clarity.
Months later, my healing took an unexpected turn. I encountered Jesus Christ and that moment transformed my life forever. The clarity I gained through therapy paled in comparison to the peace and understanding I found in Christ. While I still don’t have answers to all the questions about my painful life experiences, the peace God gave me was more than enough to support my healing. Through this journey, I released the idols I had made of marriage and motherhood. This didn’t mean I no longer desired a family — rather, I no longer believed that fulfilment would come solely from those roles. My true fulfilment now came from Christ.
Unknowingly, my faith journey became the most transformative preparation for becoming a wife and mother. My new identity in Christ reshaped my perspectives and cultivated qualities essential for emotional well-being, personal growth and good mental health. Free from the trauma that once disrupted my sense of safety, trust and identity, I was empowered to pursue my goals with clarity, strength and love. No longer weighed down by scars that once fractured my relationships and self-esteem, I found a freedom I had once believed only marriage or motherhood could provide.
Soon after my husband and I received salvation, we made the decision to marry. No longer wanting to live in sin, the shared goal we had held since the start of our relationship quickly became a priority. With no married couples to guide us and no first-hand examples of healthy marriages, we relied solely on God’s wisdom through His Word for counsel as we prepared for this new chapter. Together, we prayed, studied the Bible and completed devotionals to gain deeper insight into marriage and God’s divine purpose for it. In the weeks leading up to our wedding, our minds were continually renewed and we developed a profound understanding of the sanctity of marriage.
Three weeks after becoming one, we discovered we were expecting a new addition to our family. Although we had hoped to conceive after marriage, neither of us anticipated it happening so quickly. Overjoyed, we immediately shifted our focus to preparing for parenthood.
For me, preparing for motherhood felt much like preparing for marriage — I sought counsel primarily from God rather than external sources. Reflecting deeply on my upbringing, I became determined not to repeat the harmful patterns of the mothers who came before me. I recognized that the absence of a strong foundation in Christ was at the root of much of the dysfunction and instability I experienced growing up. This revelation strengthened my resolve to consistently seek God’s guidance and presence in my life.
My primary areas of focus in preparing for marriage and motherhood were faith, healing, removing idols and renewing my mind. Addressing these aspects empowered me to step into my role as a wife and mother with wisdom and purpose. The lessons I've learned throughout this journey have been invaluable and I am excited to share my experiences with others, believing they offer meaningful insights.
My e-book, How to Prepare for Marriage and Motherhood in Your Twenties, provides women with valuable insights, skills and perspectives to navigate these roles with intention and grace. You can find it on my website: kenyasteele.com
If you dream of creating a loving, joyful and godly home for your family, I hope the guidance I offer will be a valuable resource on your journey.
blogpay
Total Comments: 0