There is a unique, distinct and deeply exhausting frustration that comes with working hard, keeping to oneself, and striving for personal growth; only to be met with resistance, negativity, and sabotage from insecure people who refuse to put in the same effort. It is one thing to struggle against one’s own limitations and challenges; it’s another entirely to find that the biggest obstacles come not from the work itself but from others who resent that work. Instead of focusing on their own progress, these individuals seem determined to tear others down, feeding off jealousy, insecurity, and a deep-seated fear of inadequacy.
It seems this experience is common in nearly every setting ranging from workplaces, social circles, even within families. It creates a toxic environment where those who are disciplined, focused, and driven are treated with hostility, not because they’ve done anything wrong; but because their very existence challenges the fragile egos of those unwilling to push themselves.
This mundane reality is viscerally exhausting. It wears on the spirit, creates unnecessary stress for all parties, and can make even the most resilient people question why they bother. The frustration of dealing with insecure people who lash out instead of improving themselves is one of the most disheartening aspects of striving for personal excellence.
We are all irrelevant to each other until we choose to do so and how so otherwise. At its core, insecurity is a personal issue; it’s not a me problem. Everyone has doubts, weaknesses, and areas where they feel lacking; but it is not everyone’s problem. The difference between those who grow and those who do not grow lies in how they deal with those feelings. Some people acknowledge their weaknesses and work to improve; others bury their insecurities beneath arrogance, cruelty, and resentment toward those who reflect back to them what they refuse to confront in themselves.
When someone works hard, betters themselves, and refuses to engage in the petty distractions that others indulge in, it creates a stark contrast. It forces insecure people to see their own stagnation, and instead of using that realization as motivation, they lash out. They make their insecurity someone else’s burden. They gossip, sabotage, belittle, or try to create unnecessary drama to bring the hard-working person down to their level; instead of tending to their own grass. I find it on occasion to be infuriating when someone who wants to focus on their own path; is interrupted by a low level emotional intelligent callow person. Why should someone else’s internal struggles become another’s problem? Why should my progress be seen as a threat instead of an inspiration? The answer is simple: because insecurity breeds bitterness, and bitterness craves destruction.
Few environments make this dynamic more obvious than the workplace. Offices, hospitals, warehouses, and even small businesses are filled with people who resent those who put in the extra effort; and steadily staring at other people’s grass to see what grows and their resentment grows of their grass dead or dying when they haven’t even attempted to water it. There’s a special kind of irritation that comes from being a competent, hardworking person in a place where mediocrity is the norm. Instead of being appreciated or respected, you often become the target of petty jealousy and resentment; and God forbid if you are aware of your capabilities and confident in your ability to learn anything.
Colleagues who see and stalk you and your work ethic may start whispering behind your back or gathering an audience to prove a false narrative. They’ll accuse you of trying to “show off” or claim you’re making them look bad. Instead of recognizing that their laziness or lack of ambition is their own problem, they decide that the real issue is you. They want to undermine you, not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because they can’t stand the contrast between your efforts and their stagnation.
It can be experienced by coworker but supervisors can be just as bad. Some managers feel threatened by their employees who are more competent than they are. Instead of rewarding hard work, they punish it and begin micromanaging, finding faults where there are none, or even sabotaging opportunities for advancement. It’s maddening to realize that doing good work doesn’t always lead to success but can instead invite hostility. It creates a toxic cycle of the harder you work, the more resentment you receive. It makes people question why they even bother? Why push yourself when it only seems to invite negativity? But for those who are truly committed to their goals, there’s no other option. Giving in to mediocrity just to avoid conflict isn’t an option.
The sad part is that workplaces aren’t the only places where insecurity breeds resentment. Friendships can be just as toxic when one person is growing, and others are not. People who once supported you when you were at their level suddenly become distant or passive-aggressive when you start improving. Maybe it’s a commitment to fitness, a new career path, or even just a change in mindset that sets you apart. Whatever it is, they don’t like it. Instead of celebrating your progress, they start acting weird. They’ll make snide remarks or passive aggressive comments, or they’ll downplay your accomplishments, reminding you of past tribulations as if you’re not allowed to move beyond them. They always seem to have time for people who make them feel comfortable in their stagnation. What’s infuriating is that you never asked them to compete with you. You never looked down on them or made them feel small; in fact you probably extended a hand or advice and a cheerful supportive gesture while you stayed focused on your own growth, but that focus was enough to trigger their insecurity.
And then there are the people who take it even further, you know those who actively try to bring you down. Maybe they spread rumors, subtly undermine your confidence, or even sabotage your efforts. The worst part? It’s rarely because they truly dislike you. It’s because seeing you thrive reminds them of everything they’re refusing to work on within themselves.
If there’s one place where this pattern is especially heartbreaking, it’s within families; your own flesh and blood. There’s a unique pain that comes from realizing that your own relatives would rather see you struggle than succeed, all because your progress makes them feel inadequate; focus on your own grass. Some parents belittle their children’s ambitions because they never had the courage to chase their own dreams. Some siblings grow resentful, constantly comparing themselves instead of forging their own paths. Some extended family members find ways to mock or undermine success as if personal growth is an insult to them. It’s painful because one would think that family is supposed to be supportive. But for some, success…no matter how hard-earned…it becomes a source of tension rather than pride. And the hardest part? Knowing that no matter how much you try to explain or prove that your success doesn’t take anything away from them, they will still see it as a threat.
The frustration of dealing with insecure people isn’t just about the annoyance of their behavior. It’s about the deep unfairness of it; when you are minding your damn business. You didn’t do anything to them. You were minding your own business, working on yourself, staying in your lane. You weren’t trying to compete with them, prove a point, or make anyone feel bad. You were competing with yourself and simply trying to improve your own life. They always refuse to take responsibility for their own growth. Instead of looking inward and recognizing that their feelings of inadequacy are their own to deal with, they make it your problem. They project their self-hate onto you and begin treating you as the villain in their personal struggle. It creates unnecessary stress. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself for working hard. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells just because someone else refuses to grow. But when insecure people target you, they force you into situations where you have to constantly protect your peace; and I run with scissors like I get paid to do it for a living. The situations can make you question yourself and feel singled out without provocation when you’re constantly met with negativity for doing the right thing; it’s easy to wonder if “am I the problem?” Some people might start dimming their light, holding themselves back, or even considering giving up…just to avoid dealing with the backlash; F that. Shine like you’re Amaterasu exiting the cave.
Why should you try to move forward and leave those people behind? Well to be honest, the truth is, insecure people will always exist. No matter where you go, there will be those who resent effort, discipline, and growth. Set boundaries. Don’t let negative people drain your energy. If someone is consistently toxic, create distance. You don’t owe anyone access to your life, especially if they refuse to support you. **snip snip** Pruning shears to fix up your garden. Stay focused. Let them talk and let them gossip. Let them stew in their insecurity and let them fail at accessing you and falling behind. At the end of the day, their opinions don’t change reality or have solid value. Keep pushing forward. Don’t dim your light. Never shrink yourself to make insecure people comfortable. Your success, fun experiences, progress, and discipline are yours to own. Surround yourself with the right people. Find those who uplift, encourage, and challenge you in a healthy way. True friends and mentors will celebrate your growth, not resent it.
It’s frustrating to deal with insecure people who try to tear you down, but the only way they win is if you let them. Keep working, keep growing, and let their bitterness be their own burden; not yours.
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