There is a fine line between intoxicating and toxic friendships and relationships. Sometimes, the most pleasurable, amazing things that we feel, are so intoxicating at first. When you make a friend, there’s that new relationship energy that flows and energizes our soul. There is a rush of positive feelings. It feels good. Some people call it NRE (New Relationship Energy). With time though, sometimes relationships turn into toxic situations. Toxic relationships can occur within friendships, relationships, and familial relationships.
Have you ever spent time thinking about how a relationship became toxic in the first place? You've likely heard the saying, "love is blind." Do you agree with this saying, especially when you have realized you're in the midst of a toxic relationship of some kind? How do we know when a relationship or friendship has become toxic?
Thinking about toxic situations and relationships can be daunting to say the least. To be human, means that you've experienced some toxic situations, friendships and other relationships. The purpose of this piece is to help you consider and evaluate if you're in a toxic relationship of some kind. Below, are some questions to ask yourself when evaluating your relationships.
Self Evaluation and Reflective Questions to Ask Yourself
Does the person make you feel on edge?
Has the person stopped encouraging you to be the best version of yourself? Or, do you feel like you're stifled and not able to be yourself?
Has the person started making disparaging or discouraging comments that make you feel bad, or not so good about yourself?
Do you feel like the person is manipulating you in any aspect, or trying to control you to meet their needs or agendas?
Is the person blaming you for things that really are not your fault?
Do they tend to focus on negative things, instead of positive things?
Are there many positive aspects of the friendship or relationship that are still bringing you joy?
Are the positive aspects of the relationship worth your time in the grand scheme of your life?
Do you feel comfortable with the person and like you can be vulnerable with the person and do you feel like they are able to be vulnerable too? Or, is this vulnerability one-sided?
Do you feel any mistrustful thoughts toward this person?
Do you feel calm when you’re around this person generally speaking?
Do they seem calm when around you or do they seem to be uptight?
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I understand that this self-evaluation may be a bit hard to process. It is important to surround yourself with positive people who uplift you and give you joy. It's not a selfish practice at all. When you find joy and optimism in others, it feeds your soul, which in turn, helps the overall atmosphere to be sweet. Sadly, the world is filled with sour people that rain on the parade of life. Show them love and kindness, but embrace boundaries when interacting with them! We can't change people, only God can do this. Don't fall into thinking that you can change people who are sour. We can maintain a sweet, kind nature, but it's not necessarily going to be the thing that finally changes mean, negative people.
One main piece of advise, that I want to give everyone, is that it's perfectly alright and healthy to take breaks with friendships or relationships from time to time. Sometimes, when we take a break from interacting with someone everyday, it gives us time to understand if the relationship is healthy for us. It helps us ponder on some of the questions that I listed above. My plea is for you to holdfast to people who are positive and that make you feel good. Life is just far too short to be surrounded by endless miserable people.
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