Please, I need some advice. I currently met this guy I like so much, and he likes me too. He asked me some questions about my personal life and I’ve told him everything, except one, or maybe two.
During my first year in the university, I had something to do with a guy in my school. I liked the guy then. I was 16 and naive, he was in his early twenties. I was infatuated, I really can’t call it love. I let him kiss me and stuff, I still wash my mouth till date when I remember. One day, he messaged me that he wanted me to give him a blowjob. I didn’t know what that was so he sent a link for me to watch it. I did and I was nauseous, I told him and he said it was nothing bad. During one night reading in school, he came to meet me and told me it’s time for us to do it and I refused. Another night reading in school, he came to meet me again and persuaded me and I eventually gave in. He took me to an empty class and kissed me, then told me to kneel down and do as I saw in the video. I did it, then he wanted us to have s3x but I vehemently refused, I was never going to do that, I was already feeling guilty about what I did. I kept regretting it. He kept telling me it was fine and nothing serious. Weeks later, convinced me to do it two more times and I did, I regret I did. I’ve been battling with guilt since then.
Though, I still liked him. We kept chatting and stuff. I sent him money, borrowed him money and bought him stuffs because he promised to return it but he never did. Then I found out he was dating my friend. She knew he was into me, and I liked him but she said nothing and watched me go astray. She had sex with him, multiple times. Saw chats of them where she asked for pills. If she had told me she liked him, I’d have gotten to my senses. I just needed a little push to come back to reality. My other friend knew about everything too because the girl in question told her about their relationship, how the sex went and stuff, I saw all in their chats. But when I asked this my other friend if she knew if the first girl liked this guy, she said no, that she knows nothing. I asked because I noticed she kept giving the guy stares when he talks to me and she’s there. I swear I was willing to let go if she liked him, but she didn’t tell me. They watch me bask myself with sin. I’ve never wanted to involve myself in unholy things and things that can be considered as premarital intimacy and my friends knew cus I told them, but they still watched me do it. These my friends that I’m talking about were both in their early twenties then too. I was the very young one, I just looked big. They didn’t act like the elder ones I took them as. I regret mingling with them, cus I became close to this guy because of them. I had some friends i do follow before and they were all about books, I loved it because I’m the book type but I got distracted along the line with these two girls and how they were about fun. I told them when I sent this guy money, when he asked me to buy things, they knew he was playing me and they said nothing. Well, that’s story for another day.
Then there’s this other guy I met my second year. He liked me from my first year but I didn’t know him. I did say I was done with men but I took this guy into consideration because he was Muslim like me. We didn’t define our relationship, i just liked him. Though I later realized I didn’t like him like someone I want to be with, I was just lost. I broke his heart, but he was understanding.
Back to the reason I wrote this, when this guy asked me about myself, I felt compelled to tell him everything. Though I’m scared he’s judge me. He’s a good and practicing Muslim so it wouldn’t be pleasant to hear I did something close to Zina (Premarital S3x). I regret it always, the comfort I have is because God forgives sins and I know He forgives me since I’ve repented. I just don’t know if I should tell this guy everything or I should keep quiet. I really love him and I’m scared of loosing him. I don’t even know. He promises not to judge but I’m scared.
He’s a clean hearted and practicing Muslim and I’m the one with lots of sins. Though I’ve never had s3x, I just don’t know how to tell him I’ve kissed and done something intimate with a guy. Please, I need advice, what do I do?
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