Since my wedding four years ago, I've sobbed exactly four times. In 2018, I sobbed for the first time. Our marriage had only been a year. When I got home from work one evening, I noticed my spouse sleeping in the middle of the hall. He was still dressed for work, and his shirt was properly tucked in. I was going to tap him on the shoulder to wake him up when I noticed a bottle of booze on the center table. It was only half full. "Did he consume this alcohol?" I wondered. I dropped my head and smelled his breath to gain an answer to this inquiry. "Wow, when did this man begin drinking alcohol?" I slapped his thighs and yelled at him to get up. He opened his eyes but was unable to raise his head. "What happened to you?" I inquired. "What are you doing drinking?"
He opened his eyes to gaze at my face, then closed them again. I tapped him on the shoulder to wake him up. I asked the same question once more. His voice sounded hazy. The words did not come out correctly. "They hired me," I heard someone say. "They recruited you?" I inquired. Which company is it? And when did you make the decision to change jobs?" He raised his voice so I could plainly hear him. "I said they fired me," he explained. "Are you sure you're serious? I inquired. "What did you do to deserve to be fired?" He was unable to speak clearly. Alcohol also takes your voice. I had no idea. I assisted him in changing into his regular clothes. I fed him and assisted him in going to bed. I was sound sleeping when I heard sobbing. I awoke to see my hubby sobbing in the corner of the bed."
"Tell me now. "How come they let you go?" "It's the same thing I told you about last year," he explained. "I thought that was settled?" I asked. "We all believed the same thing until the directors came in today with the judgement," he replied. "All three of us who were involved in the matter were fired." In the corner, I got closer to him. 'It's not the end of the world,' I replied as I placed my arms around him. We'll be able to get another work fairly shortly. "Don't lose heart."
My husband was no longer the same. When I got home from work one day, he was sitting in the hallway, his cheek buried in his palm. Thinking. I said hello, but he didn't say anything back.I walked to my bedroom and began changing my clothes. I was nearby when I heard him yell, "Who is there? Come out before I launch an attack. "I've got a knife in my hands." My husband didn't notice me walking into the room since he was deep in thinking. "It's me," I said. I was crying before I realized it. "When did you get in that I didn't see you?" he inquired. I was unable to respond. I couldn't stop weeping. He came to take my hand. "Hey, what's the matter with you?" he inquired. "Did you also lose your job?" "I'm losing you, and that hurts," I said. "How did you miss me coming in?"
The second time I sobbed was a year later, when my parents contacted to inquire about my husband's whereabouts. "What do you mean?" I inquired. "He hasn't worked in over a year," my father replied. "How is he capable of caring for you and the child?" "I know he's the reason you can't give us money monthly like you used to," my mother said. I'm concerned that you're the one looking after him. Is there nothing he can do with his hands to help other than rely on your income? It's been more than a year. "What is he holding out for?" "He's been trying," I told them. I live with him, so I am aware of his efforts on a daily basis. He doesn't sleep at all. He'll get something done soon." "He should find something to do with his hands first," my father said.My dad retorted, “He should find something to do with his hands before it’s too late. You can’t carry the ship alone.”
I cried on my way home that day. Even when I tried to stop the tears, they continued to fall. It's difficult to live with a man who gives his all every day yet gets nothing in return. It becomes more difficult when the outside world enters and tries to judge. As if you don't know what to do, I'm trying to tell you what to do. The most challenging aspect is when such people are your own parents. "Let's quit waiting for someone to hire you," I told him when I got home. You can help yourself in some way. Come up with something you'd like to do on your own so we can join forces and acquire it for you."
The third time I sobbed was in 2020, at the height of the pandemic. When I asked my husband what he could do to help himself, he replied, "We live closer to the university." I can run a stationery store. We can get three or four computers and add printing services. If we receive the funds, we will be able to purchase two photocopier machines. You are familiar with these students. They are always making photocopies. We can make money if we combine these three services and run them. We can pay someone to run it for us even if I find a job later."
It was a fantastic idea, so I went to my savings account and took whatever I could find. It wasn't enough, so I applied for a loan so we could get started as soon as possible. We hired a nearby shop. We had everything we needed. The location was painted and signboards were erected. Schools were closed because to Covid just a week into the operation. Later, as a result of the pandemic, the entire country was shut down. "It appears that the world is conspiring against our happiness," my spouse observed. It simply does not want us to be able to breathe." I became strangled with emotions when I opened my lips to speak. I was trembling. I experienced panic attacks for weeks. I wasn't ill, yet I was ill. My hubby didn't get any sleep.He didn’t let me see his tears but the look of his eyes each morning gave him away. You could see he had been crying. It’s hard to have no job and still be in debt.
My husband was raised to be a man—he was told a man takes care of his family so living in a house where his wife takes care of the family made him feel not a man enough. He looked frustrated often especially when he has to come to me and ask for money. Money to barb his hair or money to get blade sticks to shave his beard. He didn’t know how to live off a woman but I told him, “I’m not complaining. There is debt to pay, I’m paying it. There are bills to pay, I’m paying it. I’m always grateful that my job can support us in these hard times. Just relax. After the flood comes the rainbow. We will be fine.”
He wasn’t fine. He developed a temper out of his frustrations. He started screaming at me when he didn’t need to scream. He got angry over little things. I understood him so I tried to do some things that will set him free. So instead of waiting for him to come and ask for money to buy a shaving stick, I gave him a monthly allowance from my salary. I didn’t wait until the bill comes. I paid without him seeing that we owed.
During the pandemic when we were grappling with how to pay our debt, I found out that I was pregnant. Our second child. That should have made me happy but instead, it got me confused. “Should I tell him? Or I should just get rid of it and pretend nothing happened?” It took me weeks before I finally got the courage to tell him. His eyes shone brighter. All of a sudden there was joy in his demeanor. He said, ”Look at the time God chose to bless us.” He smiled. That was his first smile over two years. That put me at ease. I said, “Blessing huh?… Blessing in the midst of thorns. We’ll take it like that.”
My husband started hiding from the world. He stopped going to church because his friends would see him. Whiles his friends drove beautiful cars and have families that looked well-fed, he was living off his wife’s struggle. He didn’t go out often unless it was very important. He stayed home, cooking with me and cleaning after us. When My pregnancy was around seven months, He told me not to touch anything in the house. He said, “That’s why I’m here. Rest. I will fix it.” By the time I will return from work, dinner is served. Our child was bathed and put to sleep. He pitied me for the struggle but I assured him I was fine.
That takes me to the fourth occasion when I sobbed. That was a few weeks ago. I was sitting in the hallway, watching my husband change our eight-month-old baby's diapers. I'm not sure where the tears came from. It just happened on its own. I walked into the bedroom after getting up from the hall. I buried my face between the cushions and sobbed some more. I heard him call my name, but I didn't answer. I kept crying until I felt I'd shed all of my tears. These tears were not like the first three I mentioned. Those originated from a place of pain and frustration. This one was filled with tears of joy and contentment.
The joy of having a husband who sees me, understands my need for assistance, and is willing to assist. What amount of money can you spend on a husband like this? I've had money in the past. I've lived a life without problems, but none of them have provided me the type of joy that my spouse does. It's not because you're unemployed. Life is now better than it was previously. When the schools reopened, everything improved. With what little money we had left, we returned to the stationary business. We were able to pay off our debt, and my husband has returned to work in the corporate sector, earning a higher salary than before. The stationery industry is booming right now. It's turned into a bonus for us. The third source of revenue. The money you see under your pillow when you sleep and wake up. We don't need to do anything.We don’t have to do a lot now. We’ve hired people to take care of everything.
My hubby has come out of hiding. He shaves his beard without considering the source of the next blade stick. He's back to being his own guy, but this time with a sprinkling of frosting on top. Because he's like an open book, I don't question his motives. "Where are you?" I don't call and inquire. Because he is always there for me and my children. My children don't go out hunting for playmates because they already have one. He bends for them to sit on him when they desire a horse. He transforms into a goat and bleats joyously to their ears when they desire to hear a goat bleat. When kids cry in the morning, he gets up to take care of them before I even realize what's going on.
What amount of money will a woman have in her bank account to be able to afford this kind of helpmate? So I’ve learned this…Our sufferings are made bearable when the reason for our suffering is someone who deserves every bit of our sweat. Today, if I have to go through all that again for him, I will do it without blinking. I will do it without thinking of what my parents or friends or the world will say. I will do it because I know he will do the same for me when it’s my turn. I’m sure he’ll do the same for me because he had lived each day proving to me that he’s the rock I can lean on and wipe my tears. In bad times he’s the rock. In good times he’s the mirror—the mirror I stand in front of to fix my hair and do my makeup. Because what will a woman do when life is good? She can only makeup and meet the world with a beautiful smile.
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