Throughout my childhood and adolescent years, I had a very healthy relationship with food but started to notice some changes just before high school. I paid no attention to it until it started to interfere with my daily life. I would get these pains that start inside my ears or behind my ears and moved along my jawline. Pain in my chest radiating to my back. I also struggled to eat portions of food that I usually had no problems with.
In high school, the pain got worse and more frequent, and I began to notice that they were triggered by strong smells, detergents amongst others. Eating was strenuous activity by this time, every time I tried to eat I would just bring back the food (regurgitation). There were days I couldn’t keep any food, drink, or water down. The constant change in my weight was hard to ignore at this point.
Being in my teens and quite shy, it was mostly assumed that it was all in my head, an excuse to avoid doing certain tasks, and I was just a picky eater. I did grow up not buying or eating food from outside vendors so boarding house food was not the easiest to adjust to. Whenever I think about high school it's just a reminder of the emotional and mental frustration I went through. The different and exhausting tests and treatments yet still so many unanswered questions and problems.
I guess you are wondering by now how I dealt with the unknown. How does one even deal with or get people to understand things that they don’t even understand themselves? I kept to myself mostly, avoiding gatherings, especially when I knew I couldn’t comfortably eat and chat. I didn’t want anyone to think I was rude whenever I refused to eat when I stepped out, but it was always unavoidable.
Likewise, I have had to learn some difficult lessons on this journey that are still not easy to accept, but I'm reminded each day that life must still go on. Like any challenge, the hardest thing to deal with is people’s opinions. I’m not always going to feel good or have the strength to deal with challenges that might come my way, but I can always find a better way of doing things, and the only opinion that matters is mine and whatever makes me happy.
Stick with me to learn more about my journey and diagnosis. Also, how to be of help to someone in the same situation.
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