Other terms to describe emotional blackmail are; emotional manipulation, guilt trip, fear,obligation, and guilt ( FOG ), appeal to emotion
Emotional blackmail and FOG are terms, popularized by psychotherapist Susan Forward, about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.
Emotional blackmail describes a style of manipulation where someone uses your feelings as a way to control your behavior or persuade you to see things their way.
When the people in your life use fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate you
For example, if a couple is going through a difficult divorce, the emotional blackmailer may threaten that, if their partner files for a divorce, they will keep the money or never let them see the kids. Or when your mother wants you to do something and you're slacking so she uses the 'I carried you in my womb for 9 months' card to guilt trip you into doing it. Or even when your close friends want you to do something for them and they tell you 'if it were me, I would do it for you.
Emotional blackmail typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (parent and child, spouses, siblings, or two close friends).
Blackmail is considered a crime regardless of whether the information is true or false. The central element of the crime is the blackmailer's intent to obtain money, property, or services from the victim with threats of revealing the information.
Therefore emotional blackmail should be considered a crime as well. ?
Here are 8 ways of dealing with manipulators according to Isaiah Hankel, Ph.D., founder and CEO at cheecky scientist.
1. Ignore everything they do and say.
Manipulative people will use frustration and confusion to bait you into conflict. They want to get you emotional so they can see how you tick. Once they know the things that trigger you, they’ll use them to influence your actions. A better strategy is to ignore them completely. Simply delete them from your life. If you can’t delete them right away, like if they’re a boss, coworker, or family member, agree with what they say and then go do your own thing anyway.
2. Hit their center of gravity.
Manipulative people are constantly using their own strategies against you. They'll hold past actions over your head. They’ll become friends with your friends and turn them against you. They’ll dangle some small reward in front of you and make you chase it continuously—every time you get close to it, they’ll pull it away. Turn the tables. Go on the offensive. Find their center or gravity. This center might be the manipulative person’s friend, manager, or subordinate. It might be a high level skill or an advanced understanding of a particular field. It might be a particular resource that they control. Once you find out what their center of gravity is...Make it yours. Create allies with people close to them, recruit people with their skill sets and knowledge base to replace them, or siphon away their prized resource. This will throw them off balance and force them to focus on controlling their career and life not yours
3. Trust your judgment.
You know what’s best for your life better than anyone else. Too many people go around asking for other people’s opinions about everything. What should I do with my life? What am I good at? Who am I? Stop looking for other people to define you. Define yourself. Trust yourself.
4. Try not to fit in.
Keep reinventing yourself. Manipulative people want you to be consistent so they can count on you to push their agendas forward. keep you in a box. It’s how they control you. The only way to keep from being manipulated is to actively push against all the boundaries that others try to set for you. Stop trying to fit in. Instead...Work to stand out. Work to be different in every possible way and to never stay the same for too long. Personal growth, by definition, requires a lack of consistency. It requires constant change.
5. Stop compromising.
Guilt is a useless emotion. But...It’s a powerful tool. Guilt is one of the weapons that manipulative people will use against you. They’ll make you feel guilty for past failures and small mistakes, or they’ll make you feel guilty for being happy and confident. Another weapon manipulators will use against you is doubt. Doubt about your abilities and your worth. Manipulators gain power in this state of uncertainty. Their influence becomes stronger when you are uncertain. The solution is simple...Stop feeling guilty. Stop doubting yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments.
6. Never ask for permission.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
The problem is that we’ve been trained to constantly ask for permission. We're told to wait in line and wait for our turn to talk. We're told to wait a year for a promotion. Most of us are so used to waiting for permission that we sit silently in meetings, afraid to speak out of turn or to even raise our hands. What if you stopped being overly concerned with politeness and making others feel comfortable? Manipulative people want you to feel beholden to some imaginary rule or ideal that says you cannot freely take action without asking them first. The truth is you can take action to move your career forward whenever you want
7. Create a greater sense of purpose.
The reason manipulators continue to thrive in this world is because so many people don't know what they're working for. They just kind of fell into it. When your life lacks purpose, you’ll believe anything. You’ll do anything. Because nothing really matters. People who lack purpose are just killing time. They don’t know where they’re going or why they’re here. Busyness empowers manipulative people. Manipulators control purposeless people by peddling useless information and activities to them. The only way to escape this fate is to develop a sense of purpose. When you know where you’re going, manipulators can’t hurt you. When you're focused, they can’t distract or misguide you.
8. Take responsibility for yourself.
If someone fools you once, shame on them. If someone fools you 10 times, you’re a fool.
Stop letting manipulators walk all over you. Stop being a punching bag. No one feels bad for you and you’re only embarrassing yourself. Have enough self-awareness and self-respect to say no to people who treat you poorly. You can’t just float through life blaming other people for your problems. Yes, manipulative people exist. Yes, their actions are wrong. But this doesn’t mean you get a free pass to make mistakes and be used. No one can manipulate you without your permission. You’re responsible for your own successes and failures. If others outthink or out-strategize you—it’s your fault, not theirs. Be accountable. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t keep trusting the same slippery person over and over again.
I don't want to make this blog too long else it'll become boring for some people.... I guess....So I'll end it here. Those who are still interested can do a little research about it.
Emotional blackmail is real and it happens to us in different ways everyday.
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