One of the ways a pastor can help to grow the church is to build strong ties with his members. If there is continuous rancor or bitterness between the pastor and members, it opens a door for the devil to enter and scatter the congregation. Also new members hardly join themselves to any church where the head pastor is not able to resolve differences between him and his people. It is incumbent therefore on every pastor to maintain good rapport with the members, as much as he possibly can. Instead of being the source of personality conflicts in the church, the pastor should rather be the one to solve problems that may arise within the congregation. There are many pastors, who are doing well in this regard, but there are also a number of them who have been entangled in a web of conflicts with their members, and do not know how to get out of them. In one particular case, almost all the leaders in the church resigned en-bloc and left the church almost at the same time to indicate how hurt they were, staying under their pastor’s leadership. I have witnessed this kind of situation in many churches; and I know that in some of these cases, pastor-member conflicts have become more or less a culture of the church, such that anyone who becomes a pastor there ends up having problems with the members. A careful study of some of the cases has helped me identify why these conflicts occur and also why they persist.
Selfish interests
The number one cause of this kind of conflict is that people want to always satisfy their selfish interests first, no matter where they are. Many people think only about themselves and do not care about other people, be it in the work place or even in the family. The church is no exception. More often than not, it is the pastor who wants his interests to be met first because he believes the leader’s interest is supreme and above everyone else’s interests. While he insists on having his way, the deacons and elders also believe they have a big stake in the running of the church, and therefore their contrary views should also be considered. For instance, if a pastor insists on using church funds to purchase an expensive car for himself when the leaders feel that the money should rather be used to buy a church bus which will benefit the majority of the congregation, serious problems will arise if the matter is not handled properly.
Wrong perceptions about each other
The wrong perceptions that people have about each other, is one common source of most pastor-member conflicts. If the pastor sees his leaders as troublesome, know-it-all and uncompromising because of his own insecurity, he will adopt a dictatorial style of leadership, which is normally detrimental to church unity and progress. Some deacons and elders in some of our churches also have negative perceptions about who their pastor is. They think that the pastor does very little work to deserve any good thing. To them, all the pastor does is preach on Sundays and sleep the rest of the week; and so they also tend to adopt a hard stance and always oppose any suggestion to help the pastor.
Lack of understanding of the pastor’s role
I have realized that some pastor-member conflicts arise because the members do not understand the role of the pastors in their personal lives and even in the day-to-day running of the church. I know of a church member who got angry and picked a quarrel with her pastor for rebuking her for creating confusion in a department she belonged to. There are also some associates who believe that the senior pastor has no right to know what is happening in the departments they head. They see the department as their little empire, and so they get angry for being asked to report on their activities. Such people complain to people that the pastor does not trust them.
My advice to deacons, associate pastors and church workers in general is that they should recognize the spiritual headship role of the pastor, and do everything possible to be at peace and not quarrel with him. As a matter of principle, those in leadership positions in the church should decide not to strive with their pastors in matters regarding the spiritual direction of the ministry, such as when new branches should be opened and who to ordain or consecrate as deacons or pastors of the ministry. If they have any reservations about any such decisions taken by the pastor, they should make their point as clearly as they can, without being confrontational. If the pastor does not see reason with their proposal, they should not rebel; they should rather keep quiet and pray for God’s will to be done.
Wrong use of the pulpit
In my experience as a church member, and now as a pastor, I have observed one phenomenon that has ruined many churches and has not done any good to the ministers who indulge in it. This is the situation where pastors use the pulpit to settle their personal scores with members of the church, particularly deacons and associates. Some pastors have the habit of using the pulpit to lambast the people directly for their wrongs. Most conflicts in churches are worsened by this attitude of the pastor, because more often than not the victims know whom the pastor’s vituperation is directed at and they become more annoyed than before. There is no way people who feel insulted by their pastor will not harbor ill-feelings for him. Many years ago, I worked with some pastors, who were used to casting innuendoes on people from the pulpit. They would preach about people who had offended them; and almost about anything they were personally not happy about in the church; and they did it in a way that made the congregation angry with them any time they had the opportunity to preach. Their preaching was always full of attacks and insults, and contained very few words of instruction, correction or rebuke.
My advice to all pastors is that, they have to use the pulpit to preach God’s word and nothing else. They should make it a principle to use the pulpit to build God’s people up and not to put them down. If you have to preach about ills in the church, generalize it, do not personalize it, and present it in a way that provides solutions, without condemning the people. The pulpit should never be used to settle personal scores you may have with other people. It is a sign of cowardice. If you have any issue with anyone, be bold and settle it between the two of you outside the pulpit.
Moral failure on the part of the pastor
When pastors compromise their morals or are perceived to have fallen into sins like fraud or sexual immorality, they suffer at the hands of their members. More often than not, a number of the members will leave the church, and those who remain will make life very uncomfortable for the pastor. Conflicts which result from the pastor’s moral problems normally take a long time to resolve; and in some cases, the sin which was committed or is perceived to have been committed leaves a “scar” on the pastor which cannot be forgotten. He will therefore have a difficult time leading the people. If he happens to be the founder of the church, such a pastor would normally have to appoint a resident pastor who will be responsible for interacting daily with the members, whilst he spends time in prayer before God for His intervention.
Inexperience in handling people
Some pastor-member conflicts result from immaturity or inexperience on the part of the pastor. Some pastors think that the anointing to preach or heal the sick is all one needs to lead a church; they do not know that they need to have special skills in handling people. Many church members have been bitter because their pastors did not speak well to them, or did not care to visit or even listen to them when they were facing problems. Every pastor must know that people come in various shades and colours and church people especially are not easy to handle. Because they do not have to be paid for the things you normally want them to do, the pastor needs to ask God always to give him wisdom so that he can get the people to do what he wants.
**** This article was culled from the author’s book, MY PASTOR AND I, which is available for purchase on Amazon through the link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HWUX3Y6
Rev Alfred Osafo-Yeboah is the senior pastor and founder of the Refreshing Word Ministries (Evergreen Church), a ministry committed to transforming people and directing them towards God’s purpose for their lives. He is a Conference Speaker, Bible Teacher and Pastor. He is also devoted to ministerial and leadership training. He and his wife Gloria and children reside in Tamale, Ghana.
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