hat Your Child Needs from You This book focuses primarily on our children’s need for love and how to provide it. That’s because it is their greatest emotional need and greatly affects our relationship with them.
Other needs, especially physical needs, are easier to recognize and usually easier to fulfill, but they are not as satisfying or life-changing. Yes, we need to provide our children shelter,
food, and clothing. But we are also responsible to foster the mental and emotional growth and health of our children.
A child needs to develop relational skills so that she will treat all persons as having equal value.olumes have been written on a child’s need for healthy selfesteem or an appropriate sense of self-worth. The child with an embellished sense of self will see himself as superior to others —as God’s gift to the world and deserving of whatever he wants. Studies show this inflated sense of self-esteem is rampant among the young today. Psychology professor Jean Twenge notes that measures of self-esteem have risen consistently since the 1980s among children of all ages—and “what starts off as healthy self-esteem can quickly morph into an inflated view of oneself.”1 But equally damaging, the child who underestimates his worth will struggle with thoughts such as, “I am not as smart,
athletic, or beautiful as others.” “I can’t” is his theme song,
and “I didn’t” is his reality. It is worthy of our best efforts as parents to see that our children develop appropriate selfesteem so that they will view themselves as important members of society with special talents and abilities and will feel a desire to be productive.
Children also have a universal need for security and safety.
In our world of uncertainties, at home and “out there,” it is increasingly difficult for parents to provide this sense of security. More and more parents hear the painful question of children who ask, “Are you going to leave me?” The sad fact is that many of their friends’ parents have left. If one parent is already gone, a child may fear that the other will also leave.
A child needs to develop relational skills so that she will treatall persons as having equal value and will be able to build friendships through a balanced flow of giving and receiving.
Without these skills, a child is in danger of becoming withdrawn and remaining that way into adulthood. A child lacking essential relational skills might also become a controlling bully who lacks empathy and treats others cruelly.
Finally, a child must learn to relate properly to authority.
Without this, no other abilities will mean very much.
Parents need to help their children develop their special gifts and talents so that the children will feel the inner satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that come from using one’s innate abilities. Conscientious parents must maintain the delicate balance between pushing and encouraging.
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