hysical touch Samantha is a fifth-grader whose family recently moved to a new community. “It’s been hard this year, moving and having to make new friends. Back at my old school, I knew everybody and they knew me.” When we asked if she ever felt as if her parents didn’t love her because they took her away from her old school and town, Samantha said, “Oh, no, I never felt they did this on purpose. I know they love me, because they always give me lots of extra hugs and kisses. I wish we hadn’t had to move, but I know Daddy’s job is important.” Samantha’s love language is physical touch; those touches tell her Mom and Dad love her. Hugs and kisses are the most common way of speaking this love language, but there are other ways, too. A dad tosses his year-old son in the air. He spins his seven-year-old daughter round and round, and she aughs wildly. A mom reads a story with her three-year-old on her lap.
Such touching activities happen between parents and children, but not as often as you may think. Studies indicate that many parents touch their children only when it is necessary: when they are dressing or undressing them, putting them in the car, or carrying them to bed. It seems that many parents are unaware of how much their children need to be touched and how easily they can use this means to keep their children’s emotional tanks filled with unconditional love.
Physical touch is the easiest love language to use unconditionally, because parents need no special occasion or excuse to make physical contact. They have almost constant opportunity to transfer love to the heart of a child with touch.
The language of touch is not confined to a hug or a kiss but includes any kind of physical contact. Even when they are busy, parents can often gently touch a child on the back, arm,
or shoulder.
Though some parents are quite demonstrative, others almost try to avoid touching their children. Often this limited physical touching occurs because parents simply do not realize their pattern or do not know how to change it. Many are glad to learn how they can show love in this most basic way.
Chris was worried about his relationship with his fo ur- old daughter, Audrey, because she was pulling away from him and seemed to avoid being with him. Chris had a big heart, but he was very reserved and usually kept his feelings to himself.
He had always felt uncomfortable in expressing his emotions through physical touch. Because he wanted so much to be close to Audrey, he was willing to make some changes, and began showing love to her with a light touch on her arm, back,
or shoulders. Gradually he increased his use of this love language and eventually could hug and kiss his precious daughter without feeling uncomfortable.
This change wasn’t easy for Chris, but as he became more demonstrative, he discovered that Audrey needed extraordinary amounts of paternal affection. If she didn’t receive it, she would become angry and upset. Chris came to understand how a lack of affection on his part could distort Audrey’s relationships with all males later on.
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