What the Children Say For many children, physical touch speaks louder than words,
gifts, quality time, or acts of service. Without it, their love tank will never be overflowing. Look at what these children had to say about the power of physical touch.
Sophia, age seven: “I know my mommy loves me because she hugs me.” Jeremy, a junior in college, told us how he knew his parents loved him: “They showed it all the time. Every time I left the house as long as I can remember, I always got a hug and kiss from my mom and a hug from my dad, if he was home. And every time I came home, it was a repeat performance. It’s still that way. Some of my friends can’t believe my parents, because they didn’t grow up in touching families, but I like it. I still look forward to their hugs. It gives me warm feelings inside.” Eleven-year-old Hunter was asked, “On a zero-to-ten scale,
how much do your parents love you?” Without batting an eye he answered, “Ten.” When we asked why he felt this so strongly, he said, “Well, for one thing because they tell me, but even more from the way they treat me. Dad is always bumping me when he walks by, and we wrestle on the floor. He’s a lot of fun. And Mom’s always hugging me, although she has stopped doing it in front of my friends.” Jessica, twelve, lives with her mother most of the time and visits with her father every other weekend. She said that she feels especially loved by her father. When we asked why, she said, “Because every time I go to see him, he hugs and kisses me and tells me how glad he is to see me. When I leave, he hugs me for a long time and tells me he misses me. I know my mom loves me too—she does lots of things for me—but I wish she would hug me and act as excited about being with me as Daddy does.” If physical touch is your child’s primary love language and you are not by nature a toucher and yet want to learn your child’s love language, it may help if you begin by touching yourself. Yes, we’re serious. First, take your hand and touch your arm, beginning at the wrist and working slowly up to your shoulder. Give yourself a shoulder rub. Now take the other hand and do the same thing on the other side. Run both hands through your hair, massaging your scalp as you work from front to back. Sit up straight with both feet on the floor and pat your legs—with rhythm if you want. Place one hand on your stomach. Then lean over and touch your feet and massage your ankles. Sit up and say, “There, I did it. I touched myself and I can touch my child!” For those who have never been touched and find touching uncomfortable, this exercise can be a first step in breaking down barriers to physical touch. If you are one of these people,
you may want to repeat this exercise once a day until you have enough courage to initiate a touch to your child or spouse.
Once you get started, set a goal and consciously touch your child every day. Later, you can work up to several touches a day. Anyone can learn the language of physical touch, and if it is your child’s primary love language, it is worth your best efforts
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