gifts When we asked ten-year-old Rachel why she was so sure that her parents loved her, she said, “Come to my room and I’ll show you.” Once in her room, she pointed to a large teddy bear. “They brought me this from California.” And then touching a fluffy stuffed clown, she said, “They bought me this when I went to first grade. And this silly monkey was from their trip to Hawaii for their anniversary.” She continued around the room, pointing out more than a dozen gifts she had received from her parents over the past few years. All of them were in a special place, displaying her parents’ love.
The giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love, at the time they are given and often extending into later years. The most meaningful gifts become symbols of love, and those that truly convey love are part of a love language. Yet for parents to truly speak love language number four—gifts—the child must feel that his parents genuinely care. For this reason, the other love languages must be given along with a gift. The child’s emotional love tank needs to be kept filled in order for the gift to express heartfelt love. This means that parents will use a combination of physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and service to keep the love tank full.
Julie told how the love languages were helping her to better understand her two daughters—Mallory, six, and Meredith,
eight. “My husband and I often go on business trips and the girls stay with their grandmother. While we are away, I buy something for the girls. Meredith is always much more excited about the gifts than Mallory is, talking about them as soon as we get home. She jumps up and down in excitement as we take out the presents and oohs and aahs as she opens her gift.
Then she finds a special nook in her room for it and wants us to see where she put it. When her friends come over, she always shows them her latest gift.” In contrast, while Mallory is polite and appreciates the gifts from her parents, she is more excited to learn about the trip.
Mallory “comes to us to hear every detail of our trip,” Julie reported. “She talks with us separately and then together, and seems to drink up everything we tell her. Meredith, on the other hand, asks few questions about where we have been and what we have seen.” When someone asked Julie what she was going to do with her insight, she said, “Well, I’m going to keep on buying g iftsfor the girls, because I want to. But now I don’t feel hurt when Mallory doesn’t act as excited as Meredith. It used to bother me because I thought Mallory wasn’t being appreciative. Now I understand that our conversation means to Mallory what the gift means to Meredith. Both my husband and I are making more effort to give Mallory more quality time after a trip and all the rest of the year as well. And we want to teach Mallory the language of gifts just as we hope to teach Meredith to speak the language of quality time.
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