Guidelines for Giving As you give to your children, you need to keep some guidelines in mind. Gifts should be genuine expressions of love. If they are payment for services rendered, or bribery, you should not call them gifts but should acknowledge them for what they are. This way, the true gifts selected for the benefit of your children and as an expression of love can be enjoyed for what they are.
Except for Christmas and birthdays, many gifts should be chosen by both you and your children. This is particularly true as your children grow and have more opinions about their clothes, shoes, backpacks, etc. Your children also have desires about their nonessential toys, and while you can’t give them everything they want, you will want to consider their preferences. This involves discerning whether the desire is momentary or lasting, healthy or unhealthy, and whether the toy will have a positive or negative effect. Whenever you can,
it is wise to select a gift that a child truly wants.
And remember, not all gifts come from a store. You may find a special gift as you walk down a winding road or even across a parking lot. Wildflowers, unusual stones, even driftwood can qualify as gifts when wrapped or presented in a creative manner. Gifts can also be made out of household items. Young children have no concept of money, and whether a gift is made or purchased is of little consequence. If the present stimulates their creativity, it can be meaningful and can bind you more closely to your children in love.
Amy’s Ring Earlier we said that some children who do not respond with great enthusiasm when they receive a gift may in later years come to value it much more. Ted found that out years after his daughter rejected his present. While traveling abroad, Ted bought a ring for his twelve-year-old daughter Amy and gave it to her when he returned home. She showed little interest in it and put it away in a dresser drawer.
Ted was disappointed but eventually forgot about the ring.
In her teen years, Amy gave her parents great amounts of grief with her adolescent behavior, to the point that Ted despaired about her future. Even when Amy made a dramatic recovery in her attitudes and behavior, her father was still not convinced that she was all right. He questioned her sincerity and this made it very difficult for either of them to move toward the close relationship they craved.
Then one day Ted noticed that Amy was wearing the ring he had given her so long ago, before her problems began. Tears came to his eyes as he realized what his daughter was trying to tell him—that she was in control of herself and could n ow be trusted.
When Ted asked Amy if this is what she meant, she acknowledged that was all she wanted—to be trusted as she developed and changed. The two cried together. Amy continues to do well.
This story shows how symbolically important a gift can be.
Amy probably would have never had the deep problems she experienced if her caring parents had been able to keep her emotional tank full. Her emotional needs had to be met before she had the capacity to receive or appreciate a gift in the same spirit in which it was gi ven.
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