"Happy couples are open about why they feel the way they do," Cohan said. "Perhaps the breakup is not about the relationship but about an individual issue, past or present."
When a partner withdraws or otherwise creates distance, the secure person tries not to take it personally right away, added Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist in Northern California.
"Happy partners understand that they are not the cause of the problem," he said. “They trust that their partner would talk to them about something they did.Happy partners communicate openly and honestly, so they can deal with gaps in their connection much better than if, for example, they avoid conflict and lack a basis of trust because of a lack of honesty."
6. They are sensitive to their partner's feelings and ask questions Quickly, “How can I help?” Time and practice
“A little thought in this conversation can go a long way,” Howes said."Are you overwhelmed at work? Do you suffer from grief, anxiety or self-esteem issues?
Instead of criticizing her with, “I need more of you!”, the therapist said you could soften this with something like, “I know work has been a mess for you lately, is there anything I can do to help To help you?' That we can take some time to network?'”
“This is a call for partnership and if you both have that mindset maybe you can support each other on several fronts,” said Howes.After locating the problem and managing their fight-or-flight response, happy couples consider how to encourage reconnection, said Ryan Howes, a Pasadena, Calif., psychologist and author of the Mental Health Journal for Men.