After listening from all the teasing from Alex, we went back over to the girls.
We drank, ate, talked and played cards. I wanted our moments to always be like this. Love pairs.
Alex and Ashley.
Zenia and I
And maybe one day, Jack and Madison?
It wasn’t a secret that I was falling for Zenia. My friends saw it, and everyone around could have tell she had an impact on my soul.
I couldn’t keep my hands to myself whenever I was around her. My lips craved hers and I always longed for kissing her and holding her in my arms.
But for some reason, she just wouldn’t take me out from the friend-zone and become official with me.
I wasn’t an insecure guy who’ll go around banging a bunch of random chicks just to feel better about myself.
I was a good guy. And I wanted to be that guy in Zenia’s life.
___________________
That late evening, I drove us back home from the park.
When I pulled up to the penthouse compound, I turned off the engine and looked over to her.
“Zenia, you know that I’ll always be here for you, right?”
“Yes,” she answered and undid her seat belt.
“If there’s something bothering you, you can trust me. Just please tell me, why you’re not allowing yourself to fall for me?”
She remained silent and only lowered her head as if she was about to cry. I leaned in to her and pulled her into my arms.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”
“It’s just something I don’t want to remember.”
“Was it something you did?” I asked her.
She nodded her head yes.
I heaved a sigh as I decided not to press any further. Something was clearly eating her up and she wasn’t comfortable talking about it.
I believed she would eventually open up to me whenever she felt like doing so.
I walked up to the suite and placed a kiss on her forehead before leaving her.
I got back into my car and drove carefully back to my house.
______________________
Zenia’s POV
My heart was pulling towards him but my brain was telling me to stay away. I couldn’t forget what had happened, and because that it had happened to me, my future would be dull and all alone.
What I did was terrible and stupid and no matter how much I tried to forget it, erased it and put it at the back of my mind, it always resurfaced and haunts me.
If I had been more responsible, I wouldn’t be filled up with regrets now and feeling so afraid.
I wasn’t happy with keeping this bundled up inside of me. I had to tell someone what I did even though I would be such a disappointment.
The only person I trusted and would ever trust one hundred percent, was my sister.
She wouldn’t lash out on me and pass judgement or leak my secret.
I called her over, and being the supportive sister she was, she came over immediately.
_______________
“What’s going on with you Zen?” she asked once she entered into the house. I led her to my bedroom.
“Jas, I did something really bad and it’s haunting me. And it’s because of that bad thing, I’m afraid of falling for a guy who’s pouring out his heart to me.
I’ve been putting up a really tough wall, Jasmine but truth be told, I’m crumbling down in bricks.”
I was in hot tears.
Jasmine was looking at me like if she didn’t know who I was anymore.
“What did you do Zenia? What did you do that’s so bad that you can’t love someone?”
“I don’t want to tell you. If I tell you, you’ll be so disappointed and may even get to hate me.”
“Zen, I’m your sister. I would never get to hate you over something you’ve done in the past. You could trust me, you know all my secrets because I trust you. I want you to do the same, so tell me what you did so I can help you and maybe try to fix this which is drilling you so badly.”
She spoke with concerned and seriousness. I needed to tell someone.
“I swear I didn’t know Jasmine. I swear I didn’t know,” I cried.
“What didn’t you know Zenia?”
“I didn’t know... I didn’t know I was pregnant.”
“WHAT?” my sister asked alarmingly as she got off the bed and released her arms from around me.
I peered up at her with teary eyes.
“What the hell did you just said Zenia?”
She wasn’t wrapping her head around what I had just released.
“I was pregnant,” I said in whimper.
“You? When? For who?”
Her questions were flowing out but I was expecting that reaction from her. Complete Shock.
“I didn’t know.”
“Zenia, please explain this to me carefully because you’re not making any sense at all.”
“Before I finished college, I had a one night stand with a guy.
After you left, I took it really hard. I began drinking and falling in with the wrong crowds and going to late parties.
At a party one night, I was so wasted. I met a random guy at the party and we drank even more. I ended up having sex with him but I assumed we used protection.
A month later, my period was late but I wasn’t paying any mind to that. I was just grateful it hadn’t come as yet.
I went to a party and I drank again.
I drank so much.
The next morning, I woke up with a terrible stomach pain and I saw I was bleeding so I thought my period had finally came.
But the pain was so unbearable, I went to the doctor. It was there, I found out it wasn’t my period but a miscarriage and he said that... he said that I may not be able to have another child because my uterus lining was damaged and it wouldn’t house a baby for proper development in the future.”
~
I broke down into a fit of tears again.
Jasmine placed her arms around me and comforted me as I knew she would.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You weren’t here Jasmine. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t bring myself to say it over the phone.”
“So that’s why you’re scared of falling for EJ?”
“EJ is great, and if it does start off solid for us, wouldn’t he want a family in the future? Wouldn’t he want his own kids and someone to call him dad?
I wouldn’t be able to give him that, it’s best that I just stay friends with him than to led him on and break his heart later on.”
“I’m so sorry Zenia. I shouldn’t have left you.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m responsible for my own life and the choices I make. This is what I get for being so careless.”
“Does mom know?”
“You’re the only one who knows. Please don’t tell anyone, please don’t even say anything to Evan.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“And that’s not all.”
“There’s more?” she asked with a shout.
“The guy I slept with....”
“Who was it Zenia? Who did you slept with?”
“I slept with him, Jasmine.”
“You slept with who?”
“I slept with EJ.”
“WHAT!!”
She paced back and forth like a crazy person.
“And he doesn’t remember you?” she asked.
I shook my head no.
Of course he doesn’t remember me.
He wouldn’t want anything to do with me if he remembers me.
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