This chapter is dedicated to an amazing commenter Gemini Pearl II and Mariena Ina ???
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Alcohol. A drink that can bring you pure bliss, take away your pain and also lead to many health consequences. It is said that alcohol changes the way your brain cells signal eachother, which can make you feel relaxed but this effect doesn't last for long.
The feeling of the bliss wears off and you're left in a worse condition.
But just a sip was enough to change my life.
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Dear Diary,
29th September, 2012.
Roman Mansion
I laid on my Queen sized bed staring at the ceiling, feeling empty and disgusted with myself. Fear was long gone and now replaced with severe anxiety.
I remember Friday when Alaric came for me, as he said he came in less than eleven minutes and carried me to his apartment. Alaric changed my dress, prepared soup for me and set the couch for us to watch TV. It reminded so much of the times we spent together, cuddling underneath a huge fluffy blanket.
It felt right but somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that he was just doing it out of pity or something. That I didn't deserve someone like Alaric back in my life. The last semester was already proving to be difficult to overcome, adding a crush wouldn't help.
I didn't tell him about what happened between Paulie or explain to him about what happened at the football game either. Luckily he didn't ask.
I think that was the only time I felt safe since that party where Paulie decided to show me her true nature. It was harder to behave like I used to without thinking that a notification might pop up on my phone with the link of the video.
My face paled and my heart fell to my stomach thinking about what she could do with it. And worse of all I have no one to talk to about it.
Mom opened my door, trying to use her free hand to tie her hair in a tight ponytail. "Are you going to lay there the whole day?"
It took everything in me to give her a response but I only said a yes. From the look in her eye I could tell she wanted to ask more, but it was as if she didn't have the guts to say them.
"Just be down for breakfast." Was all she said before leaving. With a heavy sigh I got up from the bed and took a shower. Staring at myself in the mirror I noticed how different I looked. My cheeks were hollow, I had bags under my eye and the colour of my eye is now duller. I analyse my hair, it's longer and more greasy–mainly because I don't have the strength to wash them.
After dressing I unplugged my phone and scrolled through my messages. Alaric sent me a snap with his tongue sticking out which I liked. He also asked how I was doing, I quickly replied with a simple fine and smily face then headed downstairs. I ignored the other notifications from the twins and Bettina.
Bettina asked if I wanted to go clubbing. It wouldn't hurt but my anxiety will make it difficult to even dance.
I found mom sitting on the kitchen stool typing away on her laptop. Ignoring her I decided to make myself a bowl of cereal with little berries that I usually add. Mom looked up at me, "I don't see you with your friends lately. How are they?"
I frowned at her, why is she trying to act like a caring mother. "Why do you care?" I ask bluntly. My question threw her off guard because she's staring at me with nervousness. "It's not like you care about me mom so please don't try to act like you do."
It was better for me to eat my food alone in my room. I gathered the bowl and grabbed a bottle of water and chips, just in case I don't come out again. "I'm having some colleagues from work over, try to stay in your room." Mom said behind me. I paid her no heed, dashing to my room.
Around eight pm I heard mom as she greeted her colleagues downstairs. The voices were mostly high pitched voices, I wasn't even sure if there was a male among them. I had no intention of leaving my room but the chips and water finished a long time ago and binging Netflix was doing little to subdue the hunger.
So I tiptoed to the kitchen, avoiding being spotted in the living room and headed to the fridge. It would have been a smooth getaway if the noises from the living room didn't halt my steps. "You really need to teach your daughter some manners Kacy, she didn't even come down to greet us."
"I didn't want to say anything about it but Linda is right. Is she still interested in those big books?"
"No, I got rid of them a while ago." I scoffed silently, those books are still under my bed. I haven't even gotten the chance to read them.
"I heard from Marie that her husband told her that Holden has been released on probation."
The colour of my face turned white as I continued listening. "What? You can't be serious...I mean I didn't get a notice." Mom said faintly.
"Oh yes dear, I'd be careful to keep him away from that your girl, if you know what I mean. That could be why he hasn't contacted you yet."
Bile rose up my throat, I wanted to puke. Roman Holden, my father who molested me for almost five years. The man that completely destroyed me both physically and mentally. The man who up to date still haunts my dreams.
Tears spilled down my face as I locked myself in my room, I slumped to the ground crying my heart out. My hands shook thinking about that night when things went to far. He came into my room as usual when mom was late from work, I had decided that it would be the last day he could ever come.
He hugged me from behind on the bed burying his face at the crook of my neck. I remember asking myself if that's what fathers did with their children. His hands went up my skirt, he had no idea about the shiny blade I was holding.
No, the memories were too awful, I wanted to forget them all so I reached under my bed for the box. In the box was two bottles of vodka, I took one opened it and gulped a quarter of it. The slight burn was followed by a buzzing feeling, later my nerves relaxed.
I drank the rest of the bottle, my eyes were now bloodshot red and I could feel the room spinning, but I didn't mind so far as the pain went away I was fine.
Alcohol was truly a thing of beauty.
••••••••
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Hmm any thoughts on Simone??
These days a lot of girls go through a lot of trauma hiding secrets like being abused. Stay strong and overcome it ????
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