Mitchell and Mattie Atkins of West Philadelphia, who wed on January 14, 1930, were recognized by family and friends during an anniversary party in 2010 to mark their extraordinarily long marriage of 80 years.
At that time, Mr. and Mrs. Atkins became part of an incredibly small but remarkable group of couples who had just celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary.
Eugene and Dolores Gladu, who were wed on May 25, 1940, were given the honour of having the longest-lasting marriage in the United States as of January 2022 by Guinness World Records. According to Guinness, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher's marriage was the longest ever recorded at 86 years, 290 days when Herbert passed away in 2011.
What secrets might these wonderful married couples divulge? And can a relationship survive a lifetime today?
Will love eventually fade away? Obviously, the response is no. But there are lessons we can draw from people who have developed such a strong and enduring bond.
From a couple who has been together for 80 years, here are three tips for maintaining a happy, successful marriage:
1. Do not discount chemistry's influence
Chemistry is what gives attraction its force. As Mr. Atkins so movingly explains, it starts the relationship off and can last a lifetime.
Romantic love is portrayed as a symbol in works of art, music, literature, and motion pictures including "Cupid's Arrow" and "Love Potion #9." Actually, this is the chemistry between lovers.
That initial rush of excitement and pleasure is brought on by endorphins, the "feel good" hormones. This is the first instance when the pair feels chemistry, which is known as the romantic love stage.
The "cuddle hormone," oxytocin, which functions as a neurotransmitter and helps create bonds and higher levels of attachment to one another, is released as the relationship develops.
Oxytocin, which is derived from the Greek meaning "swift birth," was most famous for its impact in three areas:
stimulating breast milk production
during labour, the stimulation of uterine contractions
maternal ties
Oxytocin is a hormone that is produced by both men and women and has the extra benefit of making people feel safe and pleased. It is essential to bonding and is what causes us to feel at ease and connected to our mate.
It's interesting to note that oxytocin is unusual in that, the more of it that is released, the greater the feelings and feedback, and these feelings, in turn, cause the release of even more oxytocin.
So, does romantic love have a natural ebb and flow? Well, there could be a drawback to every good thing. Acute stress decreases the release of oxytocin and does alter a variety of emotions, including empathy, trust, and generosity, endangering the link we have formed.
However, because the hypothesis holds that once oxytocin is released, one simply needs to see their mate for more oxytocin to be generated, this awareness gives us the chance to avoid stress and further strengthen our bond.
The pleasant feeling you have when your lover approaches you with a grin and a look that are specifically intended for you is due to its release. As a result, the cycle starts.
Feelings intensify when more oxytocin is released, which causes more oxytocin to be released, and so on until the bonding becomes deeper.
Love one another every day
Long-term couples are intuitively aware that daily appreciation of one another is the secret to creating and sustaining a genuine bond.
Along with acts like scheduling a regular date night for the two of you, provide your partner verbal expressions of positive appreciation every day. Saying something like, "I appreciate when you _____ because it makes me feel _____" is a particularly potent approach to convey this.
Consider carefully how you would complete the statement to accurately capture your partner's individuality and position in your life and relationship.
Get assistance when you need it.
Romantic love does ebb and flow, but as we can see, by applying what we know about chemistry and its function in our feelings of bonding and connection, we can influence how it flows.
We're all pushed in a dozen different directions every day, so maintaining the romance in a relationship isn't always easy.
However, there are many things that can be learned, like how to communicate effectively, how to settle conflicts, how to cultivate passion and intimacy in your relationship, and much more. A piece of advice: take it as a wake-up call if you find yourself attracted to someone else!
Pre-marital counselling is something to think about if you're just embarking on the wonderful journey that is marriage. Sure, a wedding is thrilling, but it's also a time when arguments are likely to arise.
Find a therapist who specializes in pre-marital therapy as a wedding present for you both. They can assist you with complex relationship concerns like lifestyle expectations, individual problems and habits, problem-solving, religion and beliefs, sexuality, finances, and more.
Finally, whether you've been married for a month, a year, or ten years, remember what Mattie said at the end of their anniversary party: "Love, love, love each other. Being old and still being in love at our age is great.
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